Black and White?
by talv1914
Summary: Draco and Hermione are Head boy and girl in their 8th years in Hogwarts. Hermione sees Draco as a Death Eater and decides to ignore him out of hate, but he, as the Slytherin Sex God, isn't planning on letting that happen. What will make him ignore her too? Which one will break the silence? Will Hermione be able to see Draco as human? M for language and maybe later chapters
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone. This is the 1st fanfiction that I'm uploading :) I wasn't really planning to upload it, but I already have the two first chapters and my summer vacation isn't getting any longer. I will upload next week on Thursday, Friday max. Read and REVIEW please. Enjoy :)**

My seventh year in Hogwarts, again. My class mates and I are allowed to come back to Hogwarts for another year, so we could complete the year we missed. Obviously not all of my class mates will come back, many died in the war, but thank god the war is all over now. Voldemort is gone and hopefully our lives could go back on track.

I am standing alone on the nine and 3/4 platform. As usual, the place is fully crowded, but I still can see the sadness in people's eyes. Many people lost their dearest during the war, and I lost my parents. I have tears in my eyes. For the first time my parents aren't here with me to wish me good luck and tell me goodbye. I know I have Harry and the entire Weasely family by my side, but the thought that they are not my real family is running through my head. I know it would be best for me to find Harry, Ron and Ginny, but I feel like I need just another moment before I go back to pretending and smiling.

Eventually I walk towards Ron and Harry. I am trying to light up. I am head girl, even though I still don't know who the head boy is, and it is my last year in Hogwarts. I start thinking about how proud my parents could have been, but as soon as I reach the red-head family I shake it off.

''Hermione, dear, there you are!'' Molly calls with a big smile as the family turns its heads towards me and I try to smile a little.

''Hey, 'Mione.'' Ron says with a smile and I put on a little fake smile again. I know I kissed him, but… Never mind.

Everybody 'Hello's me, but I just continue with my little polite fake smile and little nods. Thank Merlin, Molly cuts all the Weasleys off and says, ''Now that you're all here listen. Be VERY careful at school. Hermione or Harry please write me often and tell me how you and my children are''. Harry and I nod while Ron frowns.

''Don't you want Ginny and me to write you?'' Ron asks and Ginny rolls her eyes.

'' Ronald, dear, I don't TRUST you and Ginny writing to me.'' Molly replies. Ron never writes to his mother. He is _'too busy for it'_ so he always forgets to.

''Alright kids, it's time for you to go if you want to catch the train. Good luck and remember not to get in any kind of trouble.'' Arthur says and Molly nods in agreement.

All the Weasleys start to hug, Harry is also being pulled to someone's hug, but I just plan on saying goodbye and on start walking to the train. I love that in the Weasley family, the closeness, the love and the warmth, but I'm not in the mood for talking or being with people. Suddenly someone stops me and I see Molly and Arthur smiling at me.

''Hermione, we just wanted you to know that we are VERY proud of you for being chosen as head girl. We are sure your parents would have been as proud as we are.'' Molly says with a warm smile and holds my hand.

''Thank you and I promise to write you about Ron and Ginny.'' I say with a smile. I can't help but smile, **really** smile, to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. They are so caring and loving; they are probably the kindest people I've ever met.

''Don't you worry about that, dear.'' Arthur says. I nod and as Ginny, Harry and Ron join me we start walking towards the train.

''I wonder who the head boy is.'' Ginny says as we walk.

''I thought Harry would be.'' Ron replies.

''And why is that, Ron?'' Harry asks and takes a hold of Ginny's hand.

''Well, you're the-boy-who-survived.'' Ron says and pulls his shoulders as I roll me eyes.

''I am kind of glad I'm not. Nothing personal Hermione, it's just that being head boy is a lot of responsibility.'' Harry says as we walk into the train. I sigh when I remember it's my time to separate from the group and go to the head's cabin.

''I should get going, guys. I'll see you later.'' I say and turn to walk away.

''Come to visit us when you can, 'Mione.'' Ginny says and I send her a smile before I leave.

As I walk to the cabin I wonder who the head boy is. I can't think of anyone that suits perfectly to the role from Gryffindor, Harry wasn't chosen and Neville might suit, but he isn't the most leader-ish type. I don't think any one of Slytherin would be the head boy, although Blaise might be a good fit, but he probably wouldn't be because he helped Voldemort in the war. I guess it'll be someone from Ravenclaw or Hufflepuph.

When I step into the heads' cabin I see both Malfoy and Blaise sitting there. Since the end of the war my hate to Malfoy became so strong I worried I'd punch him in the face AGAIN the minute I'll see him. I think I started hating him so much because he had made my life a nightmare for the last seven, or more, years. He helped bloody Voldemort, he almost has let me die then with Bellatrix and he has been on the side of all those who ruined lives without a blink, who threatened so many people, who killed my parents.

I can't stop my mouth from opening a bit as I glance at the two. He can't be the head boy, it's Blaise, it MUST be Blaise.

* * *

I am the new bloody head boy. It's a good thing, obviously. I was a bit surprised to find that out. MY parents helped Voldemort; MY father is a death eater, in the time of need I was on their side. Apparently I'm allowed to come back for another year to Hogwarts with the rest of my class mates and McGonagall thought giving me the responsibility of being a head boy could be a proof that I'm changed and that I'm not like my bloody father.

My parents are in Azkaban. Hell, I don't feel sorry for my father, but I wish my mother wasn't there. It's not her fault, it's my father's. He led us into this. I bloody hate him. How could he take his bloody wife and little son straight to Voldemort's hands? Never mind me; he **ruined** my mother's life. Mine also. She hadn't done a thing and she is in bloody Azkaban.

I was talking to Blaise in the heads' cabin. It's the only place where there are no people. Many people give both him and me these glairs that whether just show sadness whether accuses us. We were talking about the war, mostly about our parents. He's the only one that I can talk about this with; he is the only one that understands.

Suddenly the door opens. I don't know who the head girl is but when I see who stands in the door I really hope it isn't her. Bloody Granger is standing in the door way and gazes at Blaise and me. I can guess her thoughts are about hoping Blaise is the head boy, just like mine are that she isn't head girl. Salazar, I can still hear her screaming in my head.

''Morning, _Granger._'' Blaise says with a smirk as he looks at me.

''Morning… Blaise.'' She replies in almost a murmur.

''Lost, Granger?'' I ask.

''No. Is your bloody brain?'' She asks angrily and walks in.

''Not as much as yours.'' I reply angrily. How dare she?

''So, Zabini, are you the head boy?'' she asks without giving me another glance.

''No, Draco is.'' Blaise says and strikes my shoulder, ''I should leave. I'll see you later'' and walks to the door. I give him a confused look but he just smirks and walks out. He will see **Granger**later? Have he lost his mind?

''Listen, ferret, we need to check the train. I'll go first so you can go after I get back.'' Granger says without looking at me. What the bloody hell is wrong with her?

''Going to see the-boy-who-lives-too-much?'' I tease but she just walks out. Lazar, what is wrong with her? I didn't say anything that I haven't said to her before. It could even be said that I was nice to her. I know she has every reason to hate me, a lot of people do, but she just ignores me. You can't ignore the Slytherin Sex God. I haven't done anything to her right now, have I? I just teased the book warm, I always do. She shouldn't be so offended, they are just words. _Bloody girls._

Ganger's little patrol is quite quick. She comes back with the same angry expression. I believe she hasn't visited Potter and Weasley or else it would have taken her longer.

''You and Potter did a quicky, huh?'' I tease and expect to see her angry reaction, but she just looks for something in her bag and takes out a book. _Typical Granger_.

''Was everything alright on your patrol?'' I ask with a frown, who knows what's going on with the Gryffindor-smartass.

I wait for her reply, but, again, she ignores me. I watch her for a few moments, waiting for reply, but she just keeps reading. Eventually she looks at her watch and says, ''You should go for your check.''

For the rest of the ride Granger keeps on ignoring me. It's actually driving me insane. I don't know if it has to do with her or with me, but I hate it. Merlin, I'm the Slytherin Sex God, women don't just ignore me. Yeah, she is _Granger_ and all, but through the years she started having curves, not bad ones, so I'm capable of saying that she IS a woman.

We are walking through the train for the last time. Everybody else is already outside so it is quite and empty. Granger is walking ahead of me, that way it's probably easier for her to ignore me.

''Come on, Granger. Your ignoring wouldn't last long. I am too handsome for you to ignore me.'' I say, again trying to make her talk to me. I'm trying to annoy her, but that's not exactly working without her reactions, isn't it?

''Merlin,'' Granger calls and turns around to face me, ''you just don't get it! I'm not going to pay **any** attention to _you_. You better try bloody Pansy. I am not wasting my time on you.''

I smirk at her. 1-0 to me. ''Starting to surrender, Granger?'' I ask with a raised eyebrow but I keep on smirking. No one can ignore me.

Without saying anything she turns with her back to me and keeps on walking. I walk behind her. I've proved myself, I can't be ignored. Even by the book-warm-Granger.

* * *

When I reach Harry, Ron and Ginny in the Gryffindor table most of the students in the hall are already sited. I am in a bad mood, no doubt they notice, but I want to see how _anyone_ would feel after all this time with bloody Malfoy.

''Hey, 'Mione.'' Ginny says as I sit across from her and both she and Harry frown at me.

''Hi everyone.'' I say as I notice also Neville and Lavender. Before anyone has the opportunity to say anything else McCunagel starts talking and right after that the 1st year students are separated into houses. I clap and look at the new student each time someone is chosen into Gryffindor, but my thoughts are busy with Malfoy.

Can't he leave me alone? It could have been much easier to ignore the ferret if he wouldn't talk and tease me all the time. Merlin, he just has to have EVERYONE'S attention.

''So who's the new head boy?'' Ron asks. He wakes me up from my thoughts and I notice everyone just started eating. Ron, as usual without any manners, talks with a huge piece of bread in his mouth.

''Ron, would you bloody swallow first?'' Ginny says angrily with a disgusted look.

''Malfoy.'' I reply shortly. Only saying his name makes me want to stab him.

''Malfoy what?'' Ron asks and I notice Harry and Ginny looking at me with confusion.

''Malfoy is the new head boy.'' I answer.

''What?'' The three almost shout, but I say nothing and start eating slowly.

''The death eater?!'' Ron says too loud and a few heads turn toward us.

''Keep it down, Ron.'' Ginny says after a glance towards the Slytherin table.

''How is that possible?'' Harry asks but I just shrug.

''Well, how is he?'' Ginny asks with her eyebrows raised.

''Ferret, annoying, incapable of shutting up _or_ being nice. I am trying to ignore him but it's _bloody hard_, he keeps on teasing me. His brain is probably too small to understand that I am ignoring him, _Merlin._'' I reply without thinking.

''Well, at least he is good looking.'' Ginny says and takes her fork.

''The ferret is NOT good looking.'' I say too loudly. Again, heads are turned towards us all over the Great Hall and I swallow. Blue, icy, eyes are looking right into mine with a little smirk and I look at them for a second longer before clenching my jaw and looking at my table.

''We are not brother and sister any more.'' Ron says dramatically while Harry just looks with a horrified look towards Ginny.

''What? He IS the Sex God for a reason.'' Ginny says with a shrug and Lavender nods at us.

''And Hermione is living with him from now on.'' Lavender says in a naughty tone. I sigh.

Why, in the name of Merlin, was Malfoy smirking when our gazes met? What is so funny about me saying that he **isn't** handsome _or_ hot? Bloody Hell, now that ferret is in my thoughts. I say angrily, but I am not annoyed at Lavender or Ginny, I am angry**, furious**, at the ferret, ''Can we, for a change, not talk about Malfoy? I am going to have enough of him throughout this year.''

* * *

It was quite amusing to hear Weasel and Granger talking about me THAT loud. Hell, Weasel can fuck off, _like I care what he says_. Granger is amusing, indeed.

''Why are you smirking?'' Blaise asks after the-Gryffindor-so-called-_Princess_ looks away from me.

''It's very simple, mate. Granger tries to ignore me but it's not that she only incapable of it, she also talks with her stupid friends about me. And about my hotness.'' I answer.

''Well, when you put it this way… '' Blaise says and smirks.

''Speaking about her, did you tell her you'll see her later? In the train?'' I ask with horror.

''Not her in particular, both of you. I was trying to be nice.'' Blaise says calmly.

''Where do you even know her from?'' I reply.

''I don't know. We small-talked a few times.'' Blaise answers and continues on eating.

''And she doesn't hate you?'' I ask with a raised eyebrow. Blaise shakes his head. I finish eating and I get up as Blaise stops me.

''Where are you going, mate?'' He asks.

''See McGonagall, she wants to talk to me and the hair bush.'' I reply and Blaise smirks at the end.

''And you can't understand why she ignores you.'' Blaise says, still smirking.

''Shut up.'' I murmur before walking away.

McGonagall explains to Granger and to me that we need to patrol around school every night, **together**, and that further into the school year she'll want us to think about an activity for our class, the one that was supposed to graduate last year. We should start the patrolling tomorrow because we need to rest today.

Eventually she takes us to our new dorm. We'll be living together in one of the tours in separate rooms. We walk with her and stop in front of a big painting.

''It is here.'' the professor says, ''Your password is compassion. I hope you'll enjoy your last year.''

McGonagall gives me a look and I nod. After angel-Granger thanks her she leaves and we step inside.

We walk into a living room that is decorated in combinations of gold, red, green and silver. It is meant for two so it might be smaller than the living rooms we're used to, but not much. There is a fire-place on the right, in front of it there are two sofas which are standing in front of each other with a coffee table in the middle, plus two arm chairs at the left end. On the left of the room there is a little kitchen that has a sink, bowl of fruits, a few cupboard with dishes and a garbage can.

''If you'll be spending much time in the library, I think I could get used to it.'' I say with a smirk.

Granger obviously loves the place with her mouth slightly open and her hand touching slightly the sofa's fabrics. She doesn't even looks at me. Merlin, is she trying to ignore me _again_?

''Oh, come on, Granger. The ignoring idea didn't work so well last time, did it? You clearly can't ignore my good looking.'' I say with a smirk and this time she looks at me. Granger sends me a death glare and I'm sure she knows I have a point, until she opens her mouth.

''You don't seem to understand, ferret.'' She says angrily and takes one step towards me, ''I am STILL ignoring you, and I WILL ignore you. You are only business to me; I am not here for YOUR pleasure. Merlin, I'll do my duties with you, but with no chit-chat.''

With that bloody Granger turns around and walks towards the right room. She glances inside, I see mostly Gryffindor colors and I guess it's her room. The hair bush glances at me angrily, I smirk at her, and she slams her door. Right, like she can ignore me, because that worked so good for her just TODAY. _Stupid Granger._

_**A/N: I hoped you liked it, I'll be more than happy if you'll review, and if I have any mistakes please tell me :)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: First of all, I got no reviews (which I don't know if it's good or bad), but thank you to all my followers and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter :)**

**Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter or Tom Felton… **

The next morning, in breakfast, I don't see Malfoy anywhere. When I walk into the Great Hall I notice Lavender, Ginny and Harry and I join them. We start talking about our classes and about the new teachers. Ginny is very happy to study in the same year with us, so am I, but I think I might not have so much time to spend with my friends later this year. Apparently, Ron hasn't gotten used to waking up early and is still sleeping.

''I tried to wake him up, but it's bloody impossible.'' Harry says and Ginny smirks. A silent falls for a moment but suddenly Lavender gasps.

''What's wrong?'' Ginny asks and we follow Lavender's gaze to the Great Hall's doors. No other than Malfoy, Blaise and Theo are walking into the Great Hall. I notice heads turning towards them, mostly girls', but I just roll my eyes back to Lavender.

''The ferret? Seriously?'' I ask, but Lavender is too busy staring to answer me. I look, horrified, at Harry who silently shakes his head. I should really stop sitting next to Lavender.

At the end of the breakfast Ron joins Harry, Ginny and me and we walk towards our first class. Ron, as usual, is chewing a too big amount of something in his mouth but he hurries to swallow it and smile at us, more correctly, at me. Ginny and Harry are walking a bit of ahead of Ron and me so Ron starts telling me about a bizarre dream he had, in which a huge _cake_ was chasing him through the entire Hogwarts.

''I was thinking, 'Mione, maybe we should go together to the library and search what it means.'' Ron says with a hint of a smile.

''I don't think so, Ron.'' I say uncomfortably, ''You know I'm not a big fan of subjects like that.''

''But, Hermione, you love knowing things and studding, plus, it would really help me.'' Ron says with a puppy face.

I want to roll my eyes, like I don't know what he's trying to do, but I stop myself from it.

''I am sure your dream doesn't have that much of an interesting explanation. It's just a cake.'' I say and pray Ron would just let it go.

Ron opens his mouth to protest, but a voice, probably the voice I hate the most and my most hated sound in the world, cuts him.

''You were quite impolite last night, Granger.'' the voice says from the right but I just raise my eyebrow at the icy eyes. I see Theo and Blaise smirking at both me and their friend.

''I thought I would at least get a good night kiss or wish.'' the voice continues flirtatiously and I notice Ron getting angry by his face getting red.

''Ignore him, Ron.'' I say and pull Ron by the sleeve farther from the incredibly annoying blonde.

''Like you're ignoring me? By the way, how is that going?'' Malfoy calls behind me but I ignore him and keep on pulling angry Ron to Harry and Ginny.

Godric, that ferret knows exactly what he is doing, and he is good in it.

After dinner I know I still have more time before Malfoy's and my patrols so I start walking with Ginny, Harry and Ron to the Gryffindor common room. We laugh at Ron when someone grabs my wrist and when I turn around my smile fades. As the icy blue eyes fall on mine I clench my jaw.

''Let go of her, Malfoy.'' Harry says and steps with Ron to stand beside me.

''Calm down, Weasel.'' Malfoy says and glares at Ron, ''I just need to talk to Granger here about some heads' duties.''

''Let go of her, you bloody ferret.'' Ron says with a clenched jaw and I feel Ron's grip on my free hand.

As Malfoy snorts I open my mouth in shock at Ron.

''Ron, let go of me!'' I say and try shake off Ron's hand off me.

''Go, I'll come to the common room myself.'' I say to the other three Gryffindor.

''Are you sure, 'Mione?'' Harry asks but as soon as I nod he starts walking away while dragging Ron away with Ginny's help.

I notice Malfoy's hand is still on mine and I try to prevent myself from blushing while my jaw is clenched again.

''What is it?'' I almost scream at him as I strongly pull my hand from his.

''Calm down, woman. When do you want to go to the first patrol?'' Malfoy asks and puts his hands into his pockets. I sigh and try to calm down, he's just asking about duties.

'' Right when curfew begins, ten thirty will be alright.'' I reply and avoid looking into the ferret's eyes.

''Meet me at our dorm's door then.'' Malfoy says and I nod. I want to walk back to the Gryffindor common room, but I ask something first.

''Why do you have to do that? Make Ron so angry?''

''Granger, you told me yourself not to tease you, so I tease the Weasel and you. Besides, ginger has a thing for you, that's not my fault.'' He replies with a smirk but shrugs in the end.

''You know what? Forget I even asked.'' I murmur and start walking away as I hear Malfoy saying something.

''I won't, but GREAT way of ignoring me, Granger.'' He calls behind me but when I turn to face him he isn't there. Merlin, he has a point. No, but it isn't fair, we talked about our duties. Damn it.

I walk to the Gryffindor tower. The touch of Malfoy's hand on mine, it was… weird. Why didn't he let me go when I turned to him? Merlin, I'm doing it again, I'm thinking about the ferret. And not just about him, but about his touch. He probably did it on purpose. Hell, I'm sure he knew that that way I'll be busy thinking about him. And I am continuing on thinking about him. Focus, Hermione.

Gladly, I reach the tower fast enough to think less of the ferret. Harry told me at dinner the password, 'patience'. The picture opens and I get in to the common room. I notice Harry and Ginny sitting on the couch and Ron on the arm chair, but the moment I walk in Neville blocks my way. ''Hi, 'Mione'' he says with a stressed smile.

''Hi, Neville. Are you alright?'' I ask softly.

''What? Oh, yeah, sure. I was just wondering… ''Neville says but then turns his head back towards the other three, only a second passes until he looks back at me, ''do we have potions together? I don't remember the assignment the new teacher gave us.''

''Yes, we do'' I say with a soft smile, ''if you want I'll give it to you later.''

Neville looks back again.

''I have the assignment, Neville.'' I hear Harry says from behind Neville.

''Right… Sorry, 'Mione.'' Neville says and give me an embarrassed look.

''No problem, Neville.'' I say with half a smile and Neville walks away.

In front of me I see Harry sitting in the arm chair with Ginny in his lap and Ron sitting on the small couch. I frown. Weren't they sitting differently when I walked in?

''Hermione,'' Harry wakes me up from my wondering, ''sit down.''

Ginny stands up and sits in the only other arm chair so that the only available sit is next to Ron. ''Harry is NOT as comfortable as he might seem.'' Ginny says and Ron rolls he eyes.

'' Save that for yourself, Ginny.'' Ron murmurs as I sit down and he looks at me with a smile.

''So what did Malfoy wanted?'' Ginny asks.

''Heads' business, like he said.'' I reply and notice Ron stiffened next to me to the mention of Malfoy's name.

''Merlin, Ginny, can we NOT talk about Malfoy?! You're not bloody _Lavender._'' Ron says angrily and my mouth opens in surprise.

Since when is Ron that angry?

''RON!'' both Harry and I say as one.

''SHUT UP.'' Ginny almost shouts at Ron.

''Sorry.'' Ron mumbles and put his hand, the one that is closer to me, on the sofa's length so it is TOO close to my hair and neck. I look at Ron, who isn't even looking at me, but his gaze is completely calm, and then at Harry and Ginny who also aren't making eye contact with me. I sigh and try to move away as much as possible. _Godric,_ it's going to be one long night.

* * *

At ten forty miss-know-it-all finally shows up. I didn't have the best night, I had to avoid bloody Pansy Parkinson and it can be quite an impossible thing to do. The girl is obviously a lunatic if she still hasn't understood I don't want to be with her, nor want her. ''Where have you bloody been, miss- perfection?'' I ask and cross my arms as we start walking. Granger doesn't even replies to me and when I look at her with expectation for an answer I notice she look disturbed, angry and her evening probably haven't been much better than mine. In addition, Granger looks like she is about to have a nerve breakdown.

''What's wrong, Granger?'' I ask with an amused look. I can't help it; Granger is bloody amusing to me, that is another reason why I tease her on a DAILY basis.

She doesn't really answers; she just starts mumbling about being stuck next to Weasel for an hour and about his hand, her and some sofa. I have a theory about what happened, even though I am surprised Granger is THAT annoyed, but on the other hand I would react in the same way if I was in that situation. I am also a bit surprised that Granger doesn't seems to like Weasel, but that's probably because everyone always saw the two as the perfect couple. Maybe she does like the idiot Weasel, but had some kind of a stressed reaction to their physical closeness.

Eventually, I decide to be silent for this night. Granger is on the line of breakdown and I don't want to be her victim. In addition, we are both annoyed for the same reason and it would probably better for both of us to relax. I am nice to Granger for this one time, next time I am not planning to give up so fast. After all, _she's Granger and I'm Malfoy._

The day after that I don't get to see Ron in breakfast nor dinner. Although, the two mornings after my evening at the common room with Ron, Ron comes to breakfast. When he approaches us I notice he looks like just he woke up and after clumsily wearing some clothes and not taking a hair brush through his hair he ran to here. ''Morning'' He says with a wide smile and sits on my left.

''Where have you been yesterday?'' I wonder out loud.

''I… '' Ron mumbles and gives Harry a look, ''I haven't felt so well.''

''Oh.'' I frown. Is he bloody lying to me?

''We should meet again, like two nights ago. It was nice.'' Ron says suddenly and when both Harry and Ginny nod Ron adds, ''Don't you think so, 'Mione?''

''I don't know…'' I mumble and add fast, ''It… It was fun, I just don't think.. We'll have much time for that once classes will get more serious.''

That night was NOT fun for me. Ron was acting weird, I didn't have the opportunity to sit alone and Ron kept on accidently touching me and being uncomfortably close to me.

We continue on eating as I notice Ron keeps on rubbing his hand with mine, than I notice he sits too closely to me so our legs are also rubbing. At first, I try to move a bit towards Harry, but then I notice the rubbing continues. I also notice Ginny eyeing us weirdly. I stop eating and look at Ron with a raised eyebrow. He is bloody doing it on purpose.

''RONALD.'' I say loudly and try not to shout.

''What?'' He asks innocently. I notice very few people looking at us, but mostly that one of them is Malfoy which Blaise is whispering something to while looking at me. I blink and turn back to Ron.

''GET OFF ME.'' I say clearly, and when Ron just blinks at me I add, ''NOW.''

''Sorry!'' Ron says and as he finishes his food he walks out with a mumble of Goodbyes.

''What is wrong with him?'' I ask Harry which gives Ginny a look. Something is going on in here. Ginny and Harry sigh.

''Don't tell him we told you.'' Ginny says eventually and I eye her and Harry.

''WE?'' Harry asks.

''Fine, don't tell him I told you.'' Ginny says after rolling her eyes. Ginny goes silent again but when I raise my eyebrows at her with expectation she sighs again.

''Ron likes you, 'Mione.'' Ginny starts, ''You kissed and now he is even more into you. He is trying to flirt with you, or something like that.'' _Merlin._

''And you tried to help him, haven't you?'' I ask.

''Yes, we did, two nights ago.'' Harry says and I sight. _Bloody hell._

''Come on, Hermione, don't be angry.'' Harry adds when I don't say anything.

''He practically begged us to help him, 'Mione, he really likes you. You should give him a chance.'' Ginny says softly, but I already know my answer, and I shake my head.

''No. I already gave him a chance, you said it yourself. We kissed.'' I reply.

''And? Did you like it?'' Harry asks and the entire situation starts to make me feel weird. I am forced to give Ron a chance and Harry is asking about Ron's and my kiss.

''Then. It was during the war, the entire situation was emotional and I just needed someone. Ron is like my best friend, one of, he is like a brother to me.'' I explain and pray they would just let it go.

''But, Hermione, you said it yourself. It was very emotional, your judgment wasn't right. You should give him another chance, that way you'll see how you really feel.'' Ginny says softly, but I feel like I am being suffocated and forced into something I don't want.

''I know EXACTLY how I feel about Ron. I don't WANT to kiss Ron again, it's wrong and weird.'' I say with a bit of anger in my voice.

''Fine, we'll support whatever decision you make about this.'' Harry says softly, but I just stand up and leave.

Now that the war is over and Voldemort is gone I have the possibility to live the way I want. I can be with whoever I want without him being threatened by Voldemort and his helpers. I remember kissing Ron, and in that moment it felt right. I needed someone beside me after losing all of these people and Ron was there. I know he has feeling for me for a while, but I don't want to be forced to be with him. I don't want Ron because he is so close to me, almost like a brother. Everyone expects me to be with him, but I don't. He is not attractive in my point of view; he doesn't make me feel anything special towards him. It is not what is supposed to happen. I can say, with no doubt, that I feel towards Ron what I feel towards Harry AND Ginny. And Ginny is a girl. I won't let anyone push me to a relationship, or any decision, that I don't want to be in. I don't know why suddenly Ginny and Harry decided to push me towards Ron, but I guess they just wanted to help him. He begged.

I don't LOVE Ron, not in that way. My heart isn't screaming for him, and honestly, I feel in my heart that to be with Ron isn't the right decision. Although, it's not that my heart is set on anybody else. I am not planning on giving Ron a chance, not for now at least, but I'll try to see how I feel around him.

* * *

The next day I don't have many opportunities to tease Granger in them, but that doesn't mean I'm not trying. Unfortunately, Granger manages to ignore me, but we still have the night patrol.

She comes right on time and we start walking. It takes me a few minutes to think of something to say, but I know I can't let angel-Granger ignore me and eventually I say, ''You came on time today, Granger, you missed me that much?''

She snorts, but keeps her gaze on the empty hallway. Is that still counted as ignorance?

We are walking in a huge and long dark hallway. Think Draco. I need to find something really good to tell her, that way she won't be able to ignore me. Not good as nice, good as something that will draw her attention or will make her VERY angry. I keep on thinking, but nothing comes to my mind. Seriously, Malfoy? You have been doing this for about eight years. You're a bloody Malfoy. As we get to the middle of the hallway I decide to try and remember what draw Granger's attention before. Wesel, grabbing her hand and talking about bloody head duties, my handsomeness, bloody duties again, our brain's. Hmm, nothing too good. My good looking might work.

''Don't try to lie to me, Granger. You obviously missed my good looking. Not that I blame you, your male friends are Weasel and Potter.'' I say with a chuckle.

Nothing. I walk right beside her and she doesn't even BREATHES in my direction. Salazar, she is bloody insane. Stupid human-hair-bush.

We reach to the point where the hallway crosses two others, only they aren't long and each leads towards a little class and has a dead end. Granger gives me a look and we start to turn to the hallway on the left when we hear a voice and stop. Both Granger and I frown. Was that a _moan?_

Granger and I both switch looks and start walking towards the second dead end small end. Who the bloody hell is so desperate to make out in the middle of the hallway. The moaning continues and I am starting to doubt if I really want to see what's going on there. Granger and I follow the moaning until it sounds like we are close to them.

Granger and I switch nods before saying ''Lumos.''

My mouth opens when I see where the moaning came from. In front of us there is a closed door of the little room which the dead end hallway leads to, and on the right wall there is a kissing-moaning couple. Weasel and Pansy.

''Merlin.'' I murmur in a disgust look and the two look at Granger and at me.

''Ronald?'' Granger asks with a small chuckle in her voice.

''Drakie-poo!'' Pansy says with a frown.

''Hi, 'Mione.'' Ron says with a small smile. Is he actually smiling after making out with Pansy Parkinson? Lazar, something is wrong with him.

''Ten points off Gryffindor.'' I say with a frown. That Weasel is bloody lucky I haven't taken more off Gryffindor because of his bad taste of… woman. **Disgusting.**

''Ten points off Slytherin!'' Granger calls at me with annoyance. I smirk at her. She talked to me, I ruined her ignorance nonsense.

''Hermione-'' the bloody Weasel starts saying, but I cut him off.

''Come on, Weasel, fuck off.'' I say with a frown. _Is he bloody deaf?_

''Back to your dorms.'' Granger says towards the two, they keep staring at her and she adds, ''NOW!''

The two walk away, but they don't seem especially disappointed. That's… odd.

Granger and I walk behind them back to the big hallway and watch them until they separate and disappear. I glance at Granger and notice she doesn't look sad or angry to catch Weasel with Pansy. I guess her prince isn't the one everybody thought is.

''Woman, if you're going to have a breakdown because of Weasel do it quietly or wait until we got back to our dorm.'' I say and Granger actually smiles.

''Now, ferret, why would I have a breakdown?'' she asks, still smiling.

On the contrary of the memory in my head from when Bellatrix made a 'mudblood', it's nice to see Granger smiling.

''Well, he's your _mate_ and all.'' I say with a frown. _Lazar, why have I brought this theme up?_

''Ronald? Are you insane, ferret? He is defiantly not my MATE. How could you think that? If Ron has a mate it's probably a cake or something.'' she says with a chuckle and I smile.

''Why? Is Pansy your _MATE_?'' she teases with a little smile, but I just make a disgusted face.

''Have you lost your mind, woman? IF PANSY has a mate it's a bloody horny rat.'' I reply and Granger smiles. I look at her for a second and notice I'm smiling at her myself. Apparently, I've lost my mind.

''Then why were you so mad at Ron?'' she asks.

''The same reason you're mad at him. He's a bloody idiot.'' I reply.

''I can say the same about Pansy.'' she says and I chuckle.

'' Unlike you, Granger, MY reply is -any time.''

**A/N: If you haven't understood that last sentence review and I'll PM you or explain in the AN next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than the last one, but I promise this one includes some drama. HUGE thank yous to all my followers, all the reviewers and the people who marked this story as one of their favorites :)**

**I don't own Harry Potter, enjoy!**

The next morning I come a bit later than usual to breakfast, about a seven minutes difference, and I'm surprised to see Ron halfway done with his food. He is usually the one which wakes up late and almost sprints to the Great Hall. Maybe he's there so early to see Pansy; she might be coming to breakfast earlier than him._ Merlin, they are an odd combination. _I sit across from Harry and Ron, next to Ginny. ''Hermione'' Ron says nervously the moment I sit down, ''I am sorry about last night.''

''You're sorry?'' I ask and give him a confused look as I put food on my plate.

''Well, yes. I never thought you'd see us and I don't know what went through my mind.''

''Ronald, you shouldn't _apologize_ to me.'' I reply and start eating.

''No, I should. I went behind your back. I guess you don't like what happened.'' Ron says and I notice Harry and Ginny's weird face expressions.

_Is there something going on, __**again?**_

''You choose the one you date with, Ron. Not me. Of course, it isn't your best decision, but it's your life.'' I say with a shrug.

''I should go, see you later.'' Ron says with an unusual smile and gets out of the Great Hall quickly.

''Is he alright?'' I ask with a frown. He is acting weird, but maybe is just has to do with his love story with Pansy.

''He thinks you're jealous.'' Ginny spits out and I drop my fork.

''WHAT?!''

''Ron thinks that you envy Pansy.'' Harry explains.

''And why is that?'' I ask with my eyes wide open. _What is going on with the world lately?_

''He said that last night you got angry when you saw him with Pansy, because you were jealous.'' Ginny says, ''And right now you said that Pansy isn't his best choice.''

''He had nothing to do with me angry at the ferret. Why would he think I was jealous?''

''You know my brother; he thinks you're head over heels for him. The kiss wasn't a coincidence.'' Ginny replies_._

''You mean? ''I ask with a puzzled face.

''Ron thinks you're playing-hard-to-get. He thought that you'd get jealous if you'll see him with someone else, that way you won't be able to hold yourself and tell him you love or want him.'' Harry explains. _Oh, Godric_.

''But I neither want nor love him!'' I call in shock.

''Are you sure?'' Harry asks with a frown.

''Of course I am, Harry. I am not romantically interested with Ronald. I know it.'' I say angrily. _Haven't I explained myself yesterday evening?_

''How do you know?'' Ginny replies. I take a deep breath and then I go back to last night.

''I know it… I know it because last night, when I saw Ron and Pansy, I felt… Relived.'' I say with a sigh.

''Relived?'' Harry asks with raised eyebrows. I nod.

''Relived. I thought he isn't interested in me, that I am not expected to be with him anymore '' I answer in a mumble.

''Are you sure, 'Mione?'' Ginny asks with a frown and I roll my eyes.

''Yes, I am. I even felt kind of happy for him.'' I say as I remember my feeling of happiness last night.

''You should tell Ron.'' Harry says and I shrink.

''He'll understand once I won't jump at him with kisses.'' I reply quietly.

How are you supposed to tell someone something like that? How are you supposed to break someone's heart? Ron is my best friend, one of three, I can't break his heart. I hope his feeling for me weren't so strong, but, _Merlin_, the **entire** school knows Ron is in love with me At least his heart isn't broken because I'm in love with someone else, right? . I just have a feeling that it isn't getting simpler. It's just the first week of school and my life is already getting complicated.

* * *

On Saturday the Slytherin Quidditch has entrance exams for new players and I ought to be there as the captain. I am supposed to go to the field with Blaise and Theo. Blaise is a chaser while Theo isn't exactly a player. Theo is the stand in keeper. We decided to meet earlier than the exams are so we'll have time to talk. When I get to the Great Hall entrance they're already there, all three of us with our brooms and uniform.

''Ready for boredom?'' Theo asks and we start walking. He never liked the game too much, but for some reason he is still ready to be on the team.

''Let's not talk about the exam until we get there, alright? I can't stand to watch all those first to third year students that think they're good enough for the Slytherin team'' Blaise says and scratches his head.

''So, Draco, how's Granger doing?'' Theo asks.

''Trying to avoid me again, without any success, of course. I already have a new plan.'' I reply with a smirk. Granger and I haven't chatted for a while, nothing too interesting at least.

''A plan?'' Blaise asks with a smirk.

''Indeed, mate.'' I reply with a wider smirk. Planning plans that has something to do with Granger always makes my mood better.

''What kind of plan?'' Theo asks with interest burning in his eyes. Don't Slytherin's just love plans and schemes?

''One that involves my good looking.'' I reply.

''One that is similar to your normal sentences to her about your good looking?'' Blaise asks.

''Bigger one, mate.'' I reply with half a smile.

''Aren't you going to tell us?''

''Just trust me.'' I reply as Theo and Blaise switch looks.

''You're quit busy with teasing Granger.'' Theo points out and I turn my head towards him.

''What do you mean, Nott?'' I ask with a raised eyebrow.

''Nothing, Draco, but are you sure you're just teasing her?'' he replies.

''Well, what else?'' I ask confused.

''I don't know, Malfoy. It's just seems to me that you're obsessed with it'' Theo says. _Nonsense._

''I am not obsessed, or anything like that, with _Granger_. I tease her, on a daily basis, because it's **fun**. I'm Malfoy, teasing the bloody book-warm is what I do, Nott'' I say and know that the combination of the words Malfoy- teasing- Granger will be enough to get Theo off my back. Even though he hasn't explained his self well, I know what Theo thinks. He thinks I tease Granger because there is something in it that is beyond than teasing. I can see why he asked, I have been occupied with this teasing for a while.

We step outside and as the slightly cool air meets my skin I wonder about the teasing. Maybe there is something beyond it that the hate relationship? No. _No way. Salazar,_ there can't be anything other than that. I mean, Granger ignoring me drives me insane. I guess that's because she hates me, in that case _I can't just let her ignore me,_ I **have** to tease her.

''The thing is, Nott,'' I say as the feeling that my earlier explanation wasn't enough attacks me, ''she's Granger. I'm the Slytherin Sex God; if bloody _Granger_ starts ignoring me and succeeds it'll mean I can be ignored. Even though she's Granger, she's still _a girl_, a _female_, and they aren't supposed to be able to ignore me, are they? If they do I wouldn't have been the Slytherin Sex God in the first place.''

And that's how it is, right?

Both Blaise and Theo nod and after a few seconds of silence Theo asks, ''So, what about Pansy?''

''Like I care about her.'' I say with a snort, ''She's with bloody weasel.''

''So it's true?'' Blaise asks with horror and I can't help but smile.

''I saw it myself, mate, my eyes almost bled.'' I reply.

''How, for Merlin's sake, did _that_ happened?'' Theo asks. None of us are big fans of Parkinson.

''Who knows? I guess she's his new rat.'' I answer after I recall **who** the weasel's last rat was.

Honestly, I don't care about Pansy. She's one bloody annoying woman, if she can be called that. I know I'm supposed to want a girl that would care for me like she did, but the woman is a bloody **stalker**. It took me about bloody **five years **to get rid of her. She's bloody _insane_, but I can't wait to hear her screaming **''Roni-poo''** through the great hall for the weasel. That'd be quite a sight.

We walk into the field and I smirk. It's just what I need for my plan to work, not that it couldn't have worked without the exams, but they'll just improve my plan. Granger won't be able to ignore me, I can guaranty. _Thank Merlin for Quidditch._

I walk back to my dorm from the Quidditch field. The exams were not so bad, the empty roles are filled now, but obviously the team needs go back to shape after the war, but that's not what is occupying me. My plan. I wouldn't say I'm excited, hell, I am **not**, but it's the only thing I can properly think of. They were just exams, but that doesn't mean I wasn't flying around all along and that there wasn't a practice. And it doesn't mean I'm not wet because of sweat as I say the password to my dorm.

The portrait opens and I silently walk in. I can see that one of the arm chairs is turned towards the fire place and a few bushy brown curls. Fine, I admit, her hair isn't bushy anymore, it's _curly_. I take off my tie and shirt as I make a loud noise to draw her attention to me. I heard her saying a few days earlier she'll be here at this afternoon, writing to weasel's mother. I try not to look at her until I hear her drop something. She's looking at me, head to toe, with her mouth slightly open. ''Wha… What are you…?'' She murmurs.

''Relax, Granger, I'm not doing anything, I haven't noticed you.'' I lie and throw my tie and shirt on the couch.

She keeps on staring at my bare chest and I can't help but smirk. I don't think she's even aware of her staring, but it's not like I care too much about that. When I notice the things she dropped I have an idea, and I don't think she even notices me as I get closer.

I sit on my toes and pick up what she dropped, but she still stares. She goes from staring at my chest and few abs to staring at my eyes, I doubt she's even _breathing_, and I get this weird feeling when our eyes meet. Probably satisfaction.

''You're getting clumsy, Granger.'' I smirk at her and hand her what I picked up.

''I'm… Sorry.'' She murmurs and frowns at me, but her frown disappears as fast as it showed up.

''Wondering about me, Granger?'' I half smile at her as she keeps staring into my eyes. I like this feeling, this… _Satisfaction_ I get while she's staring at me. _Congrats, Malfoy, you're a bloody genius._

''I…'' Granger is able to say after opening and closing her mouth for several times, ''I am NOT wondering about you.'' she says angrily as she gets up and grabs her things from my hold.

''Finally realized I AM handsome?'' I ask and stand up to my feet as she walks towards the direction behind me. I am not letting her get away with this.

''I haven't said a word.'' she replies while she puts her probably-letter-and-squeal on the coffee table.

''But I can still guess your thoughts.'' I smirk at her and a light pink blush covers her face.

''You can't. I don't think about _you._'' she says and faces me, but her eyes go straight to my half naked body and then to my eyes.

I can see her breath is held. She's obviously lying. I bet I can make her bloody fall for me, but I'm not planning on making a bet. I don't know why, but my reaction to her is just the slightest similar to her reaction to me. Her brown eyes magnetize me, they're like this magic I have to watch as it happens. Control yourself, Malfoy, and **focus**. I look at Granger with amusement and disbelief. _I know she wants me. I can see it in her lust eyes, her slightly pared lips, her staring. She can't ignore me, like any other and she should know that. She can tease me, but she knows deep inside she wants me. Merlin, I think the lust in her is bigger than in any other female, even more than in bloody _Pansy_, but I like that in her. It's like my little triumph that gives me this good feeling, this… _satisfaction_ again. She's just lying to everyone, I bet she can't even tell that to Potter, but it's like our little secret. __**Our.**_

''Stop that!'' Granger says and wakes me up from my thinking.

''I am not doing anything.'' I reply with a smirk. I might have been deep in thoughts, but I know the only thing I did was staring back at Granger. She growls silently in anger._ She knows I'm right._

She stares angrily at her room. I guess it's her only way not to stare at me with lust. Honestly, her lust, her entire reaction to me at the moment, makes shivers go down my spine, but that's probably a result of feeling wanted. This is exactly what I wanted to get from Granger, the almost typical girly reaction to a shirtless Draco Malfoy. Why almost typical? Because it's Granger I'm talking about, I'm allowed to have higher expectations from the book warm.

Granger mumbles something angrily and goes to her room. She goes back outside as fast as she got in, with books in her hands and she grabs her squeal and paper before going out of the dorm with a door slam. I smirk at the closed door. _She just can't resist me, can she?_ I prove her wrong each and every day, and it's amusing as hell. I can make a bloody _hobby_ out of this.

No, _Salazar_, since when Granger is _good _in any way? I am insane. Theo was right; I'm probably spending too much time busy with the book warm. I can't have actual _positive_ feelings towards her, I **don't.** And that good feeling is satisfaction? Right? **Oh, Merlin**. I should hospitalize, right away. No, because of the book warm? No way. I'll just need to keep a low profile when it comes to her. **_That's all, that simple._**

* * *

I almost come running to the library. I sit down with my Positions assignment, but I can't exactly focus. I lean my head on my left hand and sigh. _You're Hermione Granger, concentration is in your blood, don't lose it because of Malfoy. Wait, haven't I forbidden myself to think about him on my way here? Damn it. Come on, Granger, it's just Malfoy. A very shirtless, sweaty, handsome, blue-eyed, perfect Malfoy. Close your bloody mouth! Godric, you can definitely NOT think about THAT Malfoy since he magnetizes your eyes to him, makes you stare, makes you lose your words, not to mention your thoughts about him. But it's not just THAT Malfoy, it's also the usual one, with his perfect eyes, his blonde hair, he's like this Greek bloody god. _Fuck.

_NO! Hermione, you did __**not**__ just think that. That's __**not**__ true._

_Fine, it's true, happy now? Yes, he's a Greek bloody god, now go back to Positions. _

_How am I supposed to concentrate with Malfoy's shirtless look popping in my head? He has to be this perfect, hasn't he? With his Muscles and abs. Where did he get them from? Quidditch? Wall, then, thank Godric for Quidditch. __**Shut up.**_

_I can't believe I reacted to the ferret's body like that. I was bloody staring. And my mouth was open. Oh, shit. He won't take me now, would he?_

I did not just ask that. Godric, I'm staring at this page for too long. Because of bloody Malfoy. **Ugh**, I bet he knew he had _this_ effect on me. **Ferret**. This is way I ignored him in the first place, so he won't have THIS effect on me, so he won't do exactly this THIS. Bloody hell, I need to stay away from him. Either way I don't know how I'll react the next time I'll see him. Fuck, I don't even want to imagine. I HAVE to stay away from him. Classes and meals aren't a problem, but how can I ignore him when we patrol? There has to be a way…

**The map.** The bloody map Harry has. That's it. It's perfect, I won't even have to see the ferret that way, I'll just know he's safe. **_The bloody Marauder's Map._**

**A/N: Yes, yes, you're allowed to hate me if you want for putting this well-known scene when Hermione sees Draco shirtless, I know many fanfictions have similar scenes, but I'll try to make it to you in next chapters. Good luck to me. R&R (;**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So, here it is. I wasn't really sure about uploading today, I feel like i write the Draco POV better then the Hermione one. I hope I'm wrong, but I'll try to work on that. I also feel like last chapter sucked, so sorry about that, I'll promise chapters will get better. Thanks EVERYONE that reviewed, or are following, or marked this story as their favorite OR just gave my story a chance. This chapter Hermione is a it OC and there are a lot of insults, so you've been warned. **

**Also, big thank yous to DRACO LOVER which review in chapter two! Now all the rest of you -Read AND REVIEW!**

**I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER.**

Because of the school pressure we're having, the next day I forget about my idea with the map, but Malfoy just isn't letting me shake him off.

''He is giving you those looks all day, it's kind of creepy.'' Ron says after looking to the Slytherin table.

''Ignore him, Ron.'' I say before glancing towards Malfoy myself.

He is smirking at me, but that's no surprise, he has been doing this the entire day. I feel like snorting at him, or sticking out my tongue, but that's too childish. Instead, I just raise an eyebrow it him, _what do you want from me?_ No response, just a smirk.

''I am trying, but it's annoying as hell.'' Ron replies and gives Malfoy another 'intimidating' look.

''At least he's not staring at Ron.'' Harry says and I smile.

''Ugh, that's disgusting, Harry.'' Ron says with a horrified look.

''So, 'Mione, Why is Malfoy staring at you?'' Ginny asks from my right. I frown as I try to think of a good explanation.

I can't tell the truth, can't I? At least not when Ron's around. Ron will have a nerve break down and he'll get tomato red out of jealousy if he'll hear what happenned.

''He still thinks I **must** be attracted to him, nothing unusual.'' I reply. It's a logical explanation, and it's partly the reason. I take more food into my mouth as Ginny asks me something.

''Are you?'' she asks with a smirk, just as I look at the Slytherin table where Malfoy is sitting with an half unbuttoned shirt and winks at me. _What in the name of Merlin?-_

Both things surprise me as I start chocking from my food. Did _Malfoy_ just winked at _me? What the bloody hell?_ Has he completely lost his mind? Probably another part of his acting to stop me from ignoring him. Bloody ferret. I zip some water and try to relax. I bet Malfoy is laughing me right now, Merlin, probably staring right at me.

''Are you alright, Hermione?'' Harry asks.

''Yes, something just got stuck in my throat.'' I reply and try to convince myself not to send imaginary daggers through my eyes towards Malfoy. He's not worth it. He'll be expecting you to do that, but you're ignoring him. Ignoring. **Completely**.

Godric, I forgot about my plan.

''Harry!'' I say before anyone starts talking, but I'm obviously too rushed since my three best friends look at me with panic, ''Sorry. It's just that I have a plan to avoid Malfoy. Do you still have Marauder's Map?''

''Yeah, I keep it in case anything happens.'' Harry replies with curiosity. I thank Merlin. This way I can not only ignore the ferret, but also avoid seeing him. The ferret will be in my life in a minimum amount. No teasing, no arguing, no fighting.

''Is there any chance I can borrow it?'' I ask.

''Sure, I don't need it at the moment.'' Harry replies and takes a zip from his cup, but I have other plans. I jump from my sit and start picking Harry up from his sit.

''Come on then, I need you to show me it.'' I say. No more Malfoy for me. Harry stands up with confusion and I feel a few people staring at me since I'm dragging Harry up.

''Is it urgent?'' Harry asks with a frown.

''YES. Come on, Harry, I need it before my patrol tonight.'' I say and Harry follows me with a fast walk.

We exit the great hall when Harry joins me by my side.

''Hermione, what's going on?'' He asks with worry and confusion.

''Malfoy and I had an _incident_ last night. I **can't** stand him anymore. He thinks he's better than me, than _everyone_. I just feel like having a nerve breakdown every time I see him-'' I start saying. I feel like all those angry feelings I have towards Malfoy are chocking me, getting stuck in my throat and I have to get them out.

''Hermione.'' Harry says and reminds me to get to the point. Another annoying affect Malfoy has on me.

''Sorry. It's just that I've been thinking yesterday night and I figured out I should avoid him as much as possible.'' I explain.

''But you've already been avoiding him.'' Harry says. Merlin.

I know he's right, I remember screaming at Malfoy a week ago, promising I would ignore him, but I know, just as well as Malfoy, that I haven't been avoiding him. It's actually driving me insane that I haven't been able to avoid Malfoy. Why can't I ignore one bloody ferret? That's the million dollar question and I can't answer it. But, it's not too late to ignore him properly. I want to ignore him to prove a point, to make the ferret stop driving me **insan**e with _everything_ he does… No, no, that's not what I meant. Malfoy isn't driving me insane that in-love-with-his-_'gorgeous'_-face-way. His stupid personality annoys me, the bloody _Mr. -stupid -pure -blood_.

''Well, in his case I need to ignore him more than my usual ignorance. I am not interested in patrolling with him, it's a **nightmare**, but I can't leave him alone to patrol. That's why I thought of the map. With the map we could patrol separately, but one could still know when the other is in trouble.'' I explain.

We reach the Gryffindor dorm and Harry lets us in. I wait while Harry gets the map, but he comes back with it faster than I've expected.

''You're keeping it in reach, aren't you?'' I ask with a smirk. Harry smiles back at me and we step out of the dorm.

''So, can you be punished for using it and patrolling separately?'' Harry asks and follows me to my own dorm.

''I don't know.'' I say with a frown, ''I haven't really thought about it, but I think no. The purpose of patrolling with another person is helping each other in need, but we'll be watching each other. If anything will happen to one of us in the patrol the other will know.''

For a short moment there's silence and all I can hear are footsteps.

''Hermione, what did Malfoy do?'' Harry asks and I sigh.

''You'll probably think I'm a bit over reacting, but he keeps one with his attitude of I-am-so-handsome-every-female-wants-me, and he teases me day and night. It's really annoying me.''

''It's okay, 'Mione. You had enough of him over the years. You're allowed to be tired of it.'' Harry says and strikes me shoulder.

Harry is right. Malfoy has been doing this to me for too long, I deserve to actually enjoy my life now that Voldemort's gone.

Harry and I sit and talk in the living room until the door opens and closes. Malfoy comes in with Blaise by his side and the two smirk at us.

''Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds, but it's also my dorm.'' He says and crosses his hands. I roll my eyes.

''We are actually waiting for you.'' I reply, as calmly as I can. The ferret raises his eyebrows in surprise and smirks.

''What an honor, Granger. How can I help you?'' The ferret says and sits on the couch in front of us.

''I have a preposition, more like a deal actually.'' I explain. Malfoy switches looks with Blaise, but then he leans back in the couch.

''I am listening.'' Malfoy replies and I can see interest and curiosity in his eyes.

I sigh, although I shouldn't worry. Malfoy would never refuse to this, he'll agree the moment he'll hear my deal.

* * *

Granger sits in front of me on a couch with Potter. I noticed her shortly staring at me when I came in, but now that she'd mentioned a deal most of my interest is on it. I wonder what Potter is doing in here. Granger said that THEY were waiting for me, but I still don't see the connection between her not-yet-offered-deal and Potter. What kind of a purpose _Granger_ has to offer _me_?

''I thought about it last night… I know how we can patrol separately, but without being left by each other.'' Granger explains in a mumble.

I keep on looking at her as she pauses. She studies my face and after a few seconds she turns to Potter. Potter hands her a piece of paper and I lean forward. What are these two up to?

''Harry has this map, _The Marauder's Map_. It works on magic and it shows the entire Hogwarts, even the secret passes, but most importantly, it can show a person in the castle while he's in movement. We can use it. Once one of us is patrolling the second can use the map to see that the other is safe. If anything will happen to the one which is patrolling, the other will know.''

Granger gives me an examining look, but I don't respond. The map itself, it's quite interesting, to say the least, but why does Granger suddenly thought of it?

''We won't even have to see each other. It's perfect.'' Granger adds. All of this to avoid me? She can't possibly hate me that much.

''And why would I give you the _misery_ of avoiding me?'' I ask with a smirk to hide my real curiosity. Granger frowns and takes a deep breath.

''Because you're Malfoy, you're not as _friendly_ as you might think.'' She answers.

''Said miss_-perfect._'' I reply with annoyance. Like she's bloody better than me.

''Look, you are you, I'm me, we do not get along. I don't want to spend **my time** with _you._'' Granger replies angrily.

''Oh, fuck off with the attitude, Granger.'' I say.

''Merlin, this is exactly the reason. Why would I want to spend MY time with a stuck-up-ferret like you?!'' Granger says with her tone higher. _Bloody book warm._

''How should I know that? The only reason why I can stand being with you is because I can tease you, _ALWAYS._''

''Well, _ferret_, maybe I'm tired of your stupid-horrible-personality.''

''Oh. Well, well, Granger finally has the courage to bloody do something. You are not so good your bloody self, hair bush.'' I say out of anger and stand up.

''At least I am not as low as you are, you bloody **_Death Eater._**'' She almost screams at me. My hands turn into fists and I can feel Blaise trying to hold me back.

''Fuck off; you bloody furry-book-warm-_bitch_. You are much lower than me, you filthy-'' I say with all of my anger.

I'm not going to call her that. I'm not my bloody father, I'm over this stupid blood differences. After the war that was caused also because of blood differences, I am not planning on giving attention to that. That bloody war destroyed so much, and it's not just it, it's also the Dark Lord and the death Eaters. I swore I will **never** be like them again now than Voldemort is gone. I saw too many killings, I witnessed too many torturing, both of people who did **nothing** wrong except not joining the Dark Lord, and, Merlin, I wouldn't have done it unless my father and family were so involved in it. Bloody hell, I can still hear Granger _screaming_ in my head. I'm not going to call her **_that._**

''Say it.'' She says after standing up herself, ''Bloody say it already, you _ferret_. I know you want to, I bet it's on the tip of your tongue, **hanging**. It's _one word_. Probably your favorite-'' Her voice is pretty calm, but I can see tears in her eyes.

I want to show her, I want to bloody **_prove_** to her that I'm not my bloody father; I am not what he raised me to be.

''Hermione-'' Potter stands up too. He tries to grab her wrist, but she shakes his hand off her, her eyes fixed on mine. I can see all the hate in her towards me, **_burning_**.

''You're just dying to say it, aren't you?'' She calls, ''Just bloody say it. Merlin, no one will know, don't worry, you won't be thrown to Azkaban, like your parents, for saying it.''

My hands fist again and I feel Blaise's grip on me getting stronger.

''You know noth-'' I start saying, anger burning in me as well. She might think she knows my father, he's not that deep anyway, but she has no bloody clue about my mother.

''Come on, _Draco_, we're waiting. It's shouldn't be such a problem to a **killer**, a **_Death Eater._**'' she says in a calmer tone again. That little.. It's amazing how when she just said my name it sounds like a curse or an insult.

''Granger!'' Blaise calls from behind me. He knows me; he knows my reactions and thoughts. That little lame toad is lucky she is a female, or else she would already be lying on the bloody floor, beaten.

''**Mudblood**!'' Granger screams, ''I am a **mudblood**, and you, _the prince of Slytherin_, are so much better, aren't you?!''

A little tear is starting to slowly roll down her face, ''Mudblood! At least I have the balls to actually say it!''

Now her face is already wet by two tears. Fuck, I know she isn't insane for screaming at me. I know I fucking deserve it, and soon enough her screams from when Bellatrix injured her appear in my head.

Granger turns around and walks fast towards her room. All you can hear is her footsteps and the door slam that follows it. I stare at her door for a few seconds. At least the little bitch has the nerve to scream at me like that. Yes, I know she's angry at me for a good enough reason, but she'd opened some wounds of mine too. **No one** talks about my mother; no one would _dare_, for a bloody reason. That bloody toad thinks she knows me, but she knows _nothing_ about me as a human **or **a Death Eater, like most people. Other people don't judge me, especially not like she just did. She's worse than that bloody weasel that likes to call me a Death Eater. He is _weak_, amusing, bloody stupid, but she's **almost** the opposite of him.

I sit back on the couch and notice Potter glancing worriedly at Granger's door.

''Just show me how this bloody map works, then you're free.'' I say and Potter puts the map on the table and grabs his wand.

Granger wants ignorance? She can bloody bring it on.

* * *

The next morning no one mentions the ferret's name to me. Not once. Last night, with Blaise's bridging, the ferret and I decide each of us will patrol every second night. I start the round since I prefer not to even **breathe** the same air as _it_ does. So far my life feels perfectly fine without the ferret, no drama. I don't see _it_ at any of the meals, we're in the same classes, but that doesn't mean we'll communicate, and now the head duties subject is covered.

Ginny told me my eyes are red. I have cried last night, but it's not because I really care about ignoring the ferret. They were tears of relief, after all this time I've said everything I had stuck in my throat and had to do with the ferret. Also, they were tears of pain towards all the horrible painful things the ferret had taken me through. No matter that last night I felt different about my tears.

Shouts, more like very loud talking, distract me from my thoughts, and probably the entire Great Hall from its breakfast. I look up and see Pansy standing next to a sited familiar ferret and shouting. I can't exactly understand what she's shouting about, but she seems to be angry. My eyes turn to the ferret, but I try to focus on Pansy. She isn't crying or anything, but she's definitely not calm.

''What is she shouting about?'' Ginny asks and suddenly Ron sits in front us. He'll probably know, he is the one that kissed her.

''She is angry at Malfoy for not loving her or something like that,'' Ron says and starts eating, ''she says he never loved her and only used her for sex.''

After Ron cleared what the Drama is about everyone around me seems to go back to eating and talking. My eyes keep on looking at the Slytherin table. The ferret looks obviously annoyed by Pansy's break down, but he still seems to listen to her shouting. Pansy isn't letting him skip on her words; she does everything to keep his eyes on hers, his full attention on her. I don't really think of anything while watching them. I feel like watching TV or a movie, although I don't feel anything towards the situation. Surprisingly, no one notices I am focused on the fight/lecture and no one also talks to me. This is how it should be. I can see the ferret around, but have **zero **feelings towards him, with a priority to not seeing him _at all_.

* * *

''You are _user_. You used me for sex, for **your own** good. You had me running around you, **almost** loving you. You're shameless, having a girl around your little stupid finger and using her only whenever you _feel_ like it. You made me **humiliate** myself, and the **entire** school are my witnesses!'' Pansy says, too loudly in my point of view.

Do I look like a bloody _punching bag_? All I hear lately are shouts and reprimands. I am quite surprised Pansy isn't crying and wiping. She seemed to be so into me, I expected her to burst in tears and hang on my neck.

''I am **over** you, _Draco Malfoy_, and don't never expect me to come back. You're a _horrible_ person and I send my condolence to the next girl that will have any feelings for you!'' Pansy shouts.

When she finishes and turns around and walks away and the entire Great Hall seems to stop talking. I had probably disappointed a few girls than expected me to shut Pansy up with a kiss and tell her I love her. _Ugh_, I am glad that is not what happened.

''That was quite a lecture, mate.'' Theo says from my right side.

''I'm just glad that's fucking over.'' I reply and take a look at my plate.

Suddenly I am not so hungry, but I continue on sitting in my place. What's with all those girls mad at me? First Granger, now Pansy. Granger. I can see her looking at me from across the Gryffindor table, her brown eyes fixed on mine. Her face seems to be blank, and if it was 24 hours ago I would smirk at her. Amazing how easily things can change. Her eyes are just a bit red, and even though her face is blank I can still guess what she thinks, **_once heartless always heartless._**

''Seems like all the girls are moving on over you, mate.'' Blaise says.

**A/N: Like it? No? REVIEW. Oh, and if you have any ideas about what can happen next please review or PM me, I could use some help with that! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I can't belive I am posting chapter FIVE. I'm sorry it took me a bit longer to update, I considered posting tommorow, but I didn't want to make you wait too much. To be honest, I am a bit frustraited not many of you review and I really don't know if I should see that as a good or bad thing. It can be both ways, can't it? Also, the difference between the views of chapter 1 and chapter 4 are pretty big, but that's not your fault. I'm being boring, am I not? ANYWAY - Enjoy the chapter :)**

I don't own Harry Potter.

As the times go by, the lack of connection between Granger and me becomes a routine. I barely spend time in my dorm. I am there mostly to sleep, shower, switch clothes and take some books. But when I **am** there it's when I'm certain Granger is somewhere else for a while. In those few times I'm with Blaise, which insists we'll be there. I don't know why, I guess he's in a war mood towards Granger or he just wants to prove her something. I spend much more time with Theo and Blaise, mostly talking and joking in the Slytherin dorm. It's actually starting to feel like I never bloody left it.

Also, I try to focus as much as possible on Quidditch, but I guess it could've helped me more if I was a bloody beater or a keeper. That way I could've imagined that the balls are Granger's fucking **face**. There isn't exactly a way to put my anger on the bloody _Snitch_. Since the Quidditch season is getting closer I have an excuse to practice a lot with my team. We are not in shape and we have a few new players that have no experience. But no one objects to the big number of practices I'm making. I'm the captain- _my_ team, _my_ rules, _my_ times. It distracts me from being mad at Granger and keeps me away from her physically.

To be sincere, **with myself**, my life feels empty since the fight with Granger. I know, it's fucking **_insane_**, and I have no bloody clue why it feels like that. I study, eat, play, laugh, but at the end of the day I feel… **_nothing_**. I don't know if it's good or bad, it must be _something_, but even the possibility that Granger is the cause makes me want to shoot someone. Probably her. No one knows, but I guess it's better this way. I can imagine what people will think once they'll hear that a former Death Eater, a Malfoy, feels nothing. That will bloody add to my bad reputation. But **fuck** that, I don't care about people; I care about myself and the mystery in this emptiness.

It must have been about three weeks since the fight and I find myself in the Slytherin dorm **again.** I should take back over **my** fucking dorm, damn Granger. I am already sick of those all-aged Slytherins all around me, even though I am actually walking toward Blaise's dorm. The door to his dorm is closed, so I open it. The room is mostly empty of people and has three Slytherin-green-and- silver beds, three wooden nightstands and some tables for homework. On the middle bed two people are lying, not so far from shagging. I recognize Blaise by the color of his skin and the fact that it _is_ his bed and I frown. Is that fucking Astoria Greengrass? Who knew she's _that_ passionate.

''Greengrass, out.'' I say loudly and the two look at me. Blaise's face is perfectly calm, unlike Astoria's, which looks like McGonagall had just found her smoking weed. She opens her mouth to say something and looks at Blaise.

''You can find your way out.'' Blaise replies coldly. It's no surprise he's a Slytherin.

Astoria stands up with shocked face and almost runs outside while fixing her blouse. I shut the door behind her and walk over to Theo's bed while Blaise sits up and fixes his own tie and blouse. We sit facing each other since Theo's bed is on the right of Blaise's.

''What's up, mate?'' Blaise asks while I look over at Theo's night stand.

I try to find something to mess with, but the closest thing I can find is a hair cream. I hold it and start opening it while saying, ''Astoria? Even you can do better Zabini.''

Blaise smirks,''I have to deal with what I have, it's a temporary settle'' He replies and watches the hair cream in my hands. I open the cream and try to smell it. Fuck, it smells worse than corpses.

Blaise frown. ''What up with you, Draco?'' Blaise asks seriously. He eyes study me and then fix on mine. I put the hair cream back where I found it; I don't want to risk dying because of a chemical bloody **weapon**.

''I'm bored as hell, Zabini.'' I say and lie down on the bed.

''Missing Granger, mate?'' he replies and I can literally hear the smirk on his face.

''Nonsense.'' I reply with a frown.

''Come on, mate, you've been almost living in here since your fight. Get over it, Granger was angry with you because she likes you.'' He says and I sit up. Granger? Likes me? **No** fucking way.

''Bullocks.'' I reply with a frown. Is _he_ smoking weed?

''Oh, come on, Draco. You should know better than that.'' Blaise says and I want to kill myself as I feel those sparks of **_interest and hope_** inside of me. I'm bloody insane. So is Blaise.

Blaise studies me for a moment and then he smirk and sighs. ''Granger cares about you, or else she wouldn't have fought with you. Haven't you saw her the next day? Her eyes were red.''

''The book warm was mad at me because I've treated her like shit from day **one** of Hogwarts. I am not denying it, I know what I did.'' I reply. She can't have feeling for me, at least not the ones Blaise means. It's _irrational_, it's fucking _insane._

''Then why haven't she fought with Theo, Crab, Goyle **and me?** We did the same as you, we were _right there_ with **you**. Why didn't she fight with Lavender Brown in sixth year when she and the weasel were dating? Because she likes you, she cares about _you_, she gives a fuck about Theo, me, even about Brown.''

Fuck, he sounds logical.

''Or she hates me much more than them.'' I point out, trying to oppose Blaise. He might be mostly right, but **not** _this_ time.

''Than why is she ignoring you? She hadn't done it before.'' Blaise points out. Salazr, why do I even feel like I bloody _care_?

''Fuck, I don't know, maybe because we were in a _war_?'' I reply sarcastically. Blaise shakes his head.

''You're two idiots in denial.'' Blaise says.

''We'll see who's the **idiot** soon enough, Zabini.'' I reply angrily. He cannot be right. It's _Granger_ he's talking about; she'd never care about a **Death Eater**.

* * *

Since the fight with Malfoy I find myself spending more and more time in the library or with my friends. I don't mind it that much, I get to focus on studying and spending more time with Harry, Ginny, Ron, Neville and Luna. It's not that bad, we get to have fun and I keep my grades high. _No distractions._ I don't spend much time in the Head's dorm, probably about two hours a day. I am mostly sitting in my room with homework or writing letters to Mrs. Weasley. It's always quite in the dorm, so I suppose Malfoy is spending less time in the dorm than me. We haven't said a word to each other in over than three weeks. We haven't even _looked_ at each other for that entire time. It's how I imagined my seventh year, **mostly.** My friends, especially Ron and Harry, enjoy my company since they talk me into helping them with homework and school.

Although being as far as possible from Malfoy seems to have many advantages, there is always this spark of a kind of _bad_ feeling in me. It's **ridiculous**. We don't even give each other the Marauder's Map-after one of us uses it we leave on the coffee table in the living room. I never would have thought that I would get to this situation with someone. Except for an emptiness that floats through me at night, there is also this lack of life in me. Like I don't have a breath of_ life_ in me. Everything I do feels automatic, nothing makes me **really** laugh, **really** smile. I remember feeling like that before, but since the fight it feels like this much more.

I feel fake. I feel like there's something missing in my life, something to make it less… usual. I know I am supposed to like routines, but my need in a breath of life takes over _every_ other feeling. Plus, when I am alone all those feeling take over me and I can't handle it. I feel like crying, but nothing comes out. I have no idea how I have gotten to this situation, to those feelings. I don't know if it started because of Malfoy or because of the war's consequences and the loss of my parents. I feel _broken_ and like there's **nothing** I can do about it.

I am spending another evening at the Gryffindor common room with Ron, Harry and Ginny. We are sitting in different positions on the floor with books and papers all around us. We have been sitting here for two hours, or so. Harry and Ginny start to look a little sleepy from the long studying, but, surprisingly, Ron looks alert. Of course, _I_ am used to studying so much, even in these hours.

''My mind is about to fucking **blow**.'' Ginny says and puts away her books. Harry follows and I suspect Ron himself wants to put away his books.

''Hermione, I know we can make an effort, but can we _please_ finish for today?'' Harry asks and leans back on the sofa beside him. I can't help, but chuckle.

''I am not your _teacher_, Harry. Plus, by the look on your faces you **definitely** had enough.'', I reply with a grin. Ginny sighs in relief and closes her books.

'' 'Mione, can I see the essay you wrote? I wrote one of my own, but I want to compare it with yours.'', Ron says from the couch and I consider it. Ron isn't his usual himself tonight. He is actually able to sit down and study, although he has been sending me glares through the evening. If Ron wrote an essay of his own, I guess it wouldn't be a problem to show him my own.

''Sure.'' I reply and Ron stands up to sit beside me on the floor. I notice that Ginny and Harry are busy talking, so I decide to help Ron as much as I can. I hand him my essay and wait as he reads it. I watch Ron as he reads me essay. His hair is quite long, his blues eyes with the rhythm of his reading. He frowns a few times, but then he relaxes again, probably realizing something. Eventually he hands me back my essay and as I put my hand on it I feel his finger striking my hand. I bite my lip to stop me from frowning and I put away my essay.

''Thanks, 'Mione.'' Ron says with a soft smile. I smile back at him, but I feel this suspicion washing over me. I feel like he's hiding something.

''No problem, Ron. Just remember to use commas and periods.'' I reply. Ron nods, the same smile still on his face, and puts his own papers away. Suddenly Ron leans towards me, my heart sinks, but I hold a chuckle as Ron hugs me. I should **really** learn how to relax. My own hands hug Ron back, but I stiffen as I feel Ron's breath on my neck and his lips pressed against my neck, too. It feels like Ron kisses my neck with the slightest of kisses, but I feel them. I swallow as I wait for Ron to separate his self from me. As he does he has this strange smile across his face and he squeezes my hand with his. I try to prevent my eyes from popping out, but when I feel Ron's gaze on me I give him a quick fake smile. My stomach and head are driving me insane. _This_ is not what I want, not who I want. I am surprised Ron keeps on trying after I haven't given any special attention to his previous gestures. Merlin, I so _stupid_. I should have clarified myself to Ron the night Harry told me to. I am leading him on, am I not?

''What time is it?'' Ginny asks and I thank Merlin she and Harry finished talking.

I look at my watch and reply, ''Ten fifteen.''

''Are you patrolling with the _ferret_ tonight?'' Ron asks. Malfoy's nickname sounds **much** worse coming out from Ron than from me.

''Not _with_ him, Ron. I told you how it works.'' I reply and I notice his eyes have darkened. What is wrong with Ron? He usually isn't much disturbed about my _cooperation_ with Malfoy. Harry and Ginny start kissing and I try to focus on something else. In addition I try to avoid Ron; he gives me this uncomfortable feeling.

''You should've got someone else as your partner. You're too good for him, Hermione.'' Ron says almost in a whisper and lifts my chin. I swallow again while trying to show that I'm alright.

''Thanks, Ron, but it's really nothing. I don't even see him'' I reply and try to show Ron I am more happy than _disturbed_ with his opinion. Ron's eyes darken again as I move my chin from his hold and I can tell he's happy I don't even **see** Malfoy. Maybe he is jealous with Malfoy; he _is_ better looking and smarter. At least that's what people **say** about the _ferret_.

I sit quietly with Ron, but I am going insane from the feeling of his gaze on me. He's bloody staring at me, and I don't like the way his eyes darken. I feel uncomfortable, **utterly **uncomfortable, but even when I look away I know Ron keeps on staring, at _me_. Ron has the eyes of a child and he is like this four years old child in the body of a young man, and it creeps me out just the slightest. The way his eyes darkened, it gives me the feeling he'll do anything for me and **anything** to make me his. Godric, _'make me his_' makes me have Gus Bumps.

''I should be going,'' I say when my mind starts screaming at me to stay away from Ron, ''Goodnight.''

''Good night.'' Harry and Ginny say from their place on the floor while I stand up. Ginny gives me a small wave and I smile at the two.

''I'll accompany you'' Ron says and almost jumps from his place on the floor. Oh, _no_. I grip my things in my hands and walk with Ron towards the door. I pray in my heart that the walk would be fast and luckily Ron isn't staring at me. When we reach the door I open it and intend to say goodbye to Ron, but he says ''Go on, 'Mione.''

I give him a suspicious look and step out of the door with him right behind me. I stop right in front of the Fat Lady's painting and look at Ron, ''Ron, you should go back. Curfew starts in a few minutes.''

''Shouldn't I accompany you to your dorm?'' Ron asks with raised eyebrows. Fuck, it feels like we're on a **_date._** One I _don't_ want to have.

''If I can successfully fight with Death Eaters I don't think going back to my dorm would be that much of a problem for me'' I reply with a smile incase Ron will get me wrong. I am not trying to be rude, but after tonight I prefer to stay away from Ron, at least when we're alone.

''You're the best, Hermione.'' Ron says and kisses my cheek, but the kiss lands very closely to my _mouth_. This feels like a six years old child's crush on a celebrity. It feels like this crush and adoration, but nothing further. I notice that Ron might be inhaling my smell and I move back sharply, but smile. _Keep it nice, Hermione._

''I should really get going; I don't want to be late.'' I say and Ron nods, smiling.

''Night, 'Mione'' Ron says and I nod to him and start heading back to my dorm. For the first time, I wish Ron wouldn't call me that.

**A\/N: I don't know if you noticed, but I meantioned a song by Florance and The Machine in this chapter. Breath of Life. I didn't use any lyrics or so, but the Hermione-thinking part was inspired by the meaning of the song to me. I you didn't understand the _breath of life_ part you can always review me and I'll explain.**

_If _**you're sick of the Ron-drama I promise it'll be over soon, but that doesn't mean the drama will end ;)**

**No, I am not planning on telling you to review since that hasn't been working since chapter two. So... have a nice weekend :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Again, sorry it took me so long to update. I wanted to update yesterday, but I went out with some friends and when I came back I didn't have any strength to move at all. Plus, I wasn't so sure if the cut in the end of this chapter is okay or not, so I hope it will be fine. Sorry I was so much needy for attention last AN, but it did work ;) Thank you to all my readers, followers and to those who reviewed!**

**DracoLover: Thank you and (coming late-) Happy Holidays :)**

**I definitely NOT own HP.**

Five days later we have another Quidditch practice. I notice the practices' results are starting to be seen because the Slytherin team, my team, is much better than it was a month ago. So that it is one less thing to worry about. At the end of practice Blaise, Theo and I stay at the field to talk. We take a sit on the Slytherin tribune and silence falls on us for a few minutes. The sky is gray-blue, but there is still a glimpse of sunlight. Hogwarts is my right, but further away. It is still this huge castle, beautiful huge castle that looks almost like an historical site. It looks perfect, no signs of how badly destroyed it was not so long ago. If I would tell someone that a few months ago this field was full of Dementors, that the sky was just as dark as the ground and the people stepping on it and that castle was falling apart along with the people in it, they wouldn't believe me. That's a part of the beauty in magic- it can restore even the most destroyed things.

''Do you ever think what would our lives look like if we were muggles?'' Theo asks and I raise my eyebrow.

''We'd still be the same.'' Blaise answers, ''We'd studied in some famous British school, play some muggle sports, be in social groups.''

''We'd probably play football; I heard that it is similar to Quidditch.'' Theo adds.

''Well, who cares? I'd still be the good-looking I am.'' Blaise says sarcastically. I know him better than anyone, and even though he said he didn't care I know he does.

''We could be anything we want. In our world has to do with magic, in their world you have all your options open'' Theo says and I look at him. He looks thoughtful, even day dreaming.

''Why do you suddenly think about it, mate?'' I ask with a frown. I myself never thought about being a muggle. I constantly laughed over Granger for being a muggle, but I never had too much interest in it. I know nothing about it. They probably have different classes in school. Fuck, even trying to imagine what they learn gives me headache. Imagining life as a muggle gives me a headache, but not because I hate muggles, but because it is so complicated to imagine a different life, a life that has different rules. Maybe life as a muggle is better.

The old Draco Malfoy would kill me for even thinking about this_- life as a muggle? Have you lost your mind? You're a pureblooded, you don't need anything else-_, but I am not that Draco Malfoy anymore. That Draco died the moment the war began, the same moment he understood what opinions, like his, make people do and what it causes. That Draco was raised by a fool father with idiotic opinions. But how could that Draco become me without the war? He could not. Fuck, I sound whiny. My opinions wouldn't been changed without my mind being shaken by seeing death in front of my own eyes, by **witnessing** it. As much as I hated Dumbledore, I know his death was one of the first things that really changed me and my point of view. Standing there and seeing him murdered, seeing the bloody symbol of _purity and good hearts_ **dying**, made me understand what standing beside Voldemort really means. _Maybe life as a muggle could have been better than this._ Fuck, did I just say **that** out loud?

''It would have been the same, mate.'' Blaise says and leans his arms on his legs, ''Wizards or not, we would still be on the darker side and all these people would still die. That's what I believe in. Life would be the **exact same** only in a muggle version. Do you think that they have no wars? That muggles don't die? That they're all good? No. There would still be a war and hate and we would still be on the bad side. Gryffindor and Slytherin would still be this different even if there weren't houses in our muggle life.''

''But we wouldn't be Death Eaters.'' Theo says quietly.

''We would still be bad, almost the worst there is, mate.'' Blaise replies. I never heard anyone of us saying what Theo said, **regretting**, out loud, being a Death Eater.

''We weren't _Death Eaters._'' I say quietly, ''We were far from that. Our parents were, that's true, but come on, we never got **close** to doing what they did.''

The thought of being like Voldemort, that _hateful, heartless, lonely, cold and dark_ man, makes me sick. Fuck that, even the thought of being like my father - I hate it.

''We watched people in their worst moments- dying and being tortured, Draco. And we did nothing.'' Blaise says.

I know Blaise is right. We weren't that good. Hell, I can still hear Granger screaming my name that night at the Manor. I was told to kill her, but obviously I couldn't. She lied there, screaming my name for help, while my aunt made a scar the word 'Mudblood' on her right arm. When Bellatrix was finished Granger just lied there without any movement. Just this one tear falling on her cheek while her eyes, then dark, broken, sad and hopeless were staring at something. That was the day, the moment, I started **hating** the word 'Mudblood'. When it was used on my class mate, Gryffindor or not, Granger or not, it affected me the most. Seeing someone I know being hurt showed me in that moment that darkness had reached people I know and had started hurting them. _My dearest people, _my mind says, but I shake that thought. It's not the time to think about stupid Granger, especially in _that_ way.

''But we are not **Death Eaters**.'' Theo echoes.

''So we weren't the best we could have been, we weren't acting like bloody _Gryffindors_, but we weren't at the same level our parents were. Tell me, what was the worst thing you did? Watch someone die? Probably. Except for **that** we did **nothing**, mostly _patrolling_ around and _passing massages_.'' I say.

''I know, Draco. Just don't forget what we have seen.'' Blaise says and I nod.

''Thanks to that we'll never be what our parents were.'' Theo says. Between us three, Theo is probably the one that grew up the fastest through the war. We were always childish, but I always knew what my future holds and Blaise had to grow up from a little age since it was just he and his mom, while Theo was **always** careless, childish and the subject of Voldemort and serving him was far from him until the war itself. I guess he was shocked while going through the war, in a different way than Blaise and me. He has this innocence of a child which the war destroyed.

''We were on Voldemort's side just because our parents were.'' Theo adds. Suddenly I feel sorry for him, sorry that his _perfect teenage _bubble was ruined.

''And let's face it- we wouldn't have been Death Eaters without their help.'' Blaise says. ''If my mom wouldn't have been by Voldemort's side, I don't think I would have gotten there.''

Blaise's mother was the most important person to him. When it comes to girls he is a player, no doubt, but he always respected her ten times more than he respected any other girl. She had a lot of husbands and boyfriends so Blaise, as the only man that is always there for her, wanted to satisfy her all the time. She is the reason why he joined our side during the war. He wanted to make her **proud**.

''You probably can't say the same about me.'' I reply with a sad smirk. People know it is true; I would have joined Voldemort with or without my parents.

''Come on, mate, you're not that bad.'' Theo says with a chuckle.

''You know I am, Nott. You know how I was. I am bloody sure I would.'' I reply.

''You're not so different than us, Malfoy.'' Blaise says with a smirk that fades as he adds, ''If it wasn't for your father you'd come out a different person.''

''So we should actually thank those bastards'' I say with a smirk. Theo and Blaise know that by 'bastards' I mean my father, only my father. Fuck, if he was present in this conversation he would hit me and called me 'softy' or some shit like that.

''We're getting emotional, aren't we, girls? Next time bring some Vodka.'' I add and the two smirk.

''You're right, mate. Except, you smell worse than a dead toad.'' Blaise says and we stand up, smirking, and start walking back to Hogwarts.

* * *

After dinner Harry and I planned to go and talk. We have been really close through the summer, so I guess we need some alone time from Ron and Ginny. We are best friends after all and I haven't had a word with him alone for a while. More correctly, since my fight with Malfoy. We finish eating and start getting out from the Great Hall when near the doors Blaise is standing. He looks like he is waiting for someone, but when we walk near him he approaches **us**. ''Granger,'' He says and Harry and I stop walking, ''may I have a word with you?''

''… Yes.'' I say eventually and nod towards Harry. Harry walks further on and stands next to the stairs while waiting for me. Blaise moves left from the doors and I follow.

''What is it, Zabini?'' I ask impatiently.

Blaise looks around and then starts talking, ''I just wanted to let you know Draco isn't planning on apologizing to you.''

My mouth opens, but I am not sure what to say. I didn't exactly expect an apology from Malfoy; I haven't expected **anything **from him. This feeling, _the emptiness_, it continues ever since the fight and I just want my life back. I don't know if _Draco Malfoy_ can help me with _that_.

''Granger, you have pushed some red buttons yourself. I won't be surprised if Draco is actually angrier than you.''

I feel like chuckling. So the legendary Draco Malfoy has feelings? Actual feelings someone is capable of actually hurting? But I would never say that. It might be one of the first thoughts that jumped into my head, but it's too shallow-thinking for me. It is one of those unwanted thoughts that cross your mind, ones that you want to delete from you self-consciousness. Of course Draco Malfoy has feelings, I just never expected _me_ to be able to **hurt** them.

''Well, thank you for the information.'' I say coldly. I don't know what Blaise's point by saying that to me is and I am not sure I like what's going on.

Blaise is quite for a few seconds and I turn around with the intention to walk away when he says, ''I think he expects you to apologize.''

_''What?!''_ I ask in shock as I turn back around, ''Why would _I_ apologize to _him_ when **he's** the one who ruined _my_ life?''. Yes, I know it's a bit exaggerated, but it's too late to take it back; I already said it.

''Well, I don't see why he should apologize.'' Blaise says simply.

''Then why should I? I am not going to **apologize** for having a breakdown because what _he_ bloody caused me in the last eight years.''

''Well, you were the one that had a breakdown and _he is mad at you_ for what you said. For all I know he was nothing but nice to you recently.'' Blaise says.

''Godric, of course the Slytherin would blame it on _me_, because he is too _perfect_ to actually do something wrong, isn't he? Did he also say to bloody Pansy that everything was **her** fault? He is just _one of a kind, too bloody perfect to admit _**his **own stupid mistakes.'' I say angrily, but when I realize I am going mad again I try to calm down. Blaise just looks at me and I can see his amusement in his eyes. His look reminds me of Malfoy's amused look and I suddenly feel like missing it, but instead of keeping on with that feeling I get angrier.

''Your _ferret_ friend can go to hell with his _stupid blonde hair, awful blue eyes_ and his fucking _Sex God_ title because I give a fuck about that. I am **not **apologizing to an _ass_ like him.''

Blaise just smirks at me and I walk away. I take deep breaths and try to calm down. He is not worth it. I pass by Harry and start walking up the stairs and I can hear Harry walking behind me.

''Hermione, are you alright?'' Harry asks and walks faster to keep up with my hurried walk.

''Yes. Do you want to go to my dorm?'' I ask, trying to forget about my recent chat with Blaise.

''I guess.'' Harry replies and when I already think he won't ask about Blaise I am wrong, ''What did Blaise want?''

''He said Malfoy is waiting for me to apologize.'' I explain shortly and try not to get into the breakdown-mood which talking about Malfoy puts me in. Merlin, I swear that ferret he is the only one that makes me feel that way. _Stupid ferret._

''Well-'' Harry starts saying, but I already know what he is about to say. The night I fought with Malfoy Harry came to talk with me. He came to support me, but I could still see what he thought in his face's expression. He thought, and **still** thinks, Malfoy did nothing and that I _just snapped at him _like that. I cut Harry and say, '' Harry, I know what your opinion on this is so can we just **not** talk about it?''

Harry nods silently and I give him a little smile. I appreciate Harry's respect to what I want. If Ron was here he would have _never _be able to forget about the entire Malfoy-thing.

The time passes and the silence between Harry and me helps me relax, so when we get to my dorm I am completely calm and the conversation with Blaise is out of my mind. We pass the common room and step into my room. I prefer talking with Harry, or anyone to be honest, in my room. I don't want Malfoy passing by, hearing my conversations or seeing him in general. In my room I know I won't have to see him and he won't interrupt me in _here_.

Harry and I sit on my bed. I watch him for a few seconds and I notice he is looking at me with concern and a slight fear. I chuckle, ''Harry, I am calm now.''

_Am I that scary when I am angry? Poor Harry_. I Smile and Harry smiles too, ''Sorry, 'Mione. Are you alright? We haven't talked alone for a while.''

''Yes, I think I am.'' I say with a nod, but I know I am lying, ''I am just worried about Ron.''

''What's wrong with him?'' Harry asks with a frown.

''Nothing serious,'' I say and then sigh, '' I am just worried about his crush on me. You and Ginny were right, he does thinks I feel the same way he does.''

''What are you planning to do then?''

''I don't know, Harry. I know I should clarify myself to him, but I think I should wait until after your Quidditch game.'' I reply. I already thought about it and I know that _'breaking up'_ with Ron wouldn't be that simple, but I don't want him to keep thinking that I like him.

''The Quidditch game? Hermione, that's in a week and a half.'' Harry says with a frown and I nod.

''I know, Harry, but we all prefer Ron to be focused in the game, don't we? If I'll talk to him before the game he'll be sad and he won't play properly.'' I explain.

''I didn't know you are such a fan of the Gryffindor team.'' Harry says sarcastically and I hit him with my elbow. Sarcasm doesn't match my mood right now.

''Ron himself will prefer it that way, Harry. And to be honest, I feel like the later I have to tell him the better.'' I say honestly.

''But you have to.'' Harry points out quietly.

''I know, and I hate it. You two and Ginny are my family, I hate hurting you. You are the closest people to me.'' I reply and Harry puts his hand around my shoulders and half-hugs me.

''You're doing the right thing, Hermione. You should be with someone you truly have feeling for, not someone who you're forced to be with.''

**A/N: I really hoped you enjoyed the chapter! By the way, I know Hremione usually doesn't curse, but in my story she does only when she's angry. I know things are getting a bit slower in the Drco-Hermione POV, but you have some interesting things waiting for you. And I wanted you to get to know some more characters like Theo and Blaise. **

**FYI- I am planning to upload a Blaise/Hermione story soon, so I would be really happy if you'll take a look at that when I would :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Luckily for you, this chapter the longest meanwhile, almost 4,000 words. I personally really like this chapter so I hope you'll like it to. Plus, I'd be REALLY HAPPY if you'd take a look at my second new story, Blossom upon a Grave, it is a Hermione/Blaise fanfic, but I have a lack of views over there so... (:**

**DracoLover: The friendship between Hermione and Harry isn't in dager, I promise, and when it comes to Draco, well.. you'll see :)**

**I do not own HP. Or Draco Malfoy. Or Blaise. Unfortunately.**

On one of the afternoons there was a Quidditch game. Gryffindor played against Ravenclaw. Unsurprisingly, Gryffindor won and here I am, standing in the middle of the victory party. There are many people in here; probably not all of them are even Gryffindors. The reason for the big number of people is that this isn't exactly a _victory _party- it's just a party of the four houses that is made to celebrate the beginning of the school year and since Gryffindor just won, it's also a victory party. Most of the people here don't even care that we are celebrating our victory; they just want to have fun. The Gryffindor common room is on the verge of being full and a claustrophobic feeling is staring to build up in me. I am happy for the Gryffindor team for winning, mostly for Harry, Ron and Ginny, but I am not a fan of crowded small places. That's why I love the library- it's big and mostly empty. There, you can calm down and have privacy, but in here it feels like I can be stepped on without anyone noticing.

I search the room for one of my friends so that they wouldn't worry for me if they'll notice I am not in the room. Ginny isn't in sight while Harry is being thrown up in the air. He has a huge grin on his face and I smile softly myself as I watch him. It seems like he is always the hero and I am proud of him for that- After everything he'd been through he deserves being happy.

I keep on searching the room with my gaze, looking for Ron and I finally find him talking to an unfamiliar guy. I feel myself tense, but I step towards him. I have been trying to stay away from him for a while, until when I'll have the right moment to talk to him about us. As I walk towards Ron he notices me and cuts what the stranger is saying to come to my direction. I stand in my place and after a few seconds Ron stands in front of me with a smile. I smile softly back and him while the thought of me having to break his heart breaks my own heart. ''Hey,'' Ron says and I am surprised I am able to hear him through all the noise around.

''Hey,'' I reply, ''I just wanted to let you know I am going to the Great Hall to eat dinner, so don't worry if you can't find me in here.''

Ron nods, but then he smiles half a smile and says, ''Can I come with you, 'Mione? I am quite hungry myself.''

I nod slowly and start walking out of the room. The moment we step out of the common room I breathe in relief, _it's quiet_. Without saying I start walking with Ron on my left and all I can hear are our steps. I am happy to find out that through **the entire way** to the Great Hall our steps are the only _noise._ I notice Ron glancing at me, a lot, but I try to ignore that. As much as I love Ron, these glances started to become irritating lately. I noticed Ron is the one who is leading himself on, but of course the fact that I haven't clarified my feelings to him isn't much helpful.

When we step into the Great Hall my eyebrow is raised in surprised. Although many people are at the party right now there is still a fine amount of people sitting in the Great Hall. Of course, the Gryffindor table is the emptiest, but in front of **each** of the other long tables there are at least fifty people sitting. Most of them are first to third year students, so I guess they are here because they are too young and innocent to participate at the eight year students' parties

''I guess we are not the only ones that decided to stay away from the parties.'' Ron says and I sense he is surprised as I am. We walk towards the Gryffindor table and I pray for a familiar face to pop. I don't like being alone with Ron, but it's still the last chance I have to be alone with him, normally, before I break his heart.

''I heard you and Ginny want to stay here in Christmas, will your mom let you?'' I ask as we sit down. Ron sits in front of me, with his back to the rest of the houses' tables.

''Eventually.'' Ron says with a chuckle, ''It will take my father to convince her that we should have some alone time and enjoy.''

I nod. It seems that in many times Arthur is the one to put some sense into Molly, but the main reason to that is that she can _truly and completely_ **trust him**. It is kind of odd to me that Ron and Ginny want to stay. They will have a chance to see their family, the one they could have lost in the war, but they choose not to. If I had my own family with me… Never mind.

Ginny is understandable. She has Harry as her boyfriend and Harry's family condition is the same as mine. Ginny will stay to keep company to Harry, and the thought of that makes me melt. Ginny and Harry are this perfect couple, one to look up to and I guess Ginny is similar to her father when it comes to love. The two are so supporting, it is like they always know what the right thing to do is. But Ron? He hasn't got anyone to stay for… **_Oh, shit_**. Ron wants to stay because of **me**, doesn't he? I can't help but to cover my face with my hands, curses going through my mind. Please tell me he wants to stay here because of me. _Please._

'' 'Mione? Are you alright?'' Ron's voice asks and I wake up back to reality. I feel like punching myself with a hummer, but I try to focus on the red head in front of me.

''Yes, I'm… Fine.'' I reply, but I am not able to force a smile as evidence.

''Why aren't you eating? This chicken is _delicious._'' Ron says and fills his mouth with pieces of chicken. I nod and start putting different types of food on my plate although I don't feel hungry anymore.

I eat a few slices of food, but I mostly stare into my plate. It really starts to feel like this entire _Ron-thing_ is coming down on me and from the corner of my eye I notice Ron isn't much of hungry himself. Actually, I now remember seeing Ron eating at the party. ''Aren't you hungry?'' I ask and raise my gaze towards Ron. He is just looking at me and the moment my eyes meet his I look back down to my plate. He has this look on his face, the one he had a few weeks ago when I noticed he isn't getting my signs, the night he kissed me neck.

''Not that much. I just wanted to spend some time with you.'' Ron says and my eyes close. He wanted to spend time with me. I know what that means. Merlin, I _can't _take this anymore. The Quidditch game is over and I have a chance to tell him, right here, right now. This isn't the perfect timing, but I can't stand those feelings any more. I feel like I am leading Ron on, like I am lying to him, _to myself_, to **everyone**. I open my eyes and meet Ron's gaze, his mouth opens to say something, probably ask if I am alright, but I cut him off.

''Ron, I need to tell you something.'' I say and I see a flash of feelings in Ron's eyes. _Stop leading him on._

''I don't have feelings for you.'' I say before I can regret it and Ron's face fall. His eyes change to being full of sadness and confusion and I sigh.

''I am not in love with you.'' I say and add, ''I am sorry.''

''But…'' Ron says without continuing and I decide to give him the time to respond. I owe him some answers, and I clarified my point.

''But you loved me.'' Ron says quietly, his eyes slightly wind.

''I _used to_. I was completely jealous and broken when you were with Lavender and I loved you after that, but through the war something had changed.'' I reply and the look on Ron's face breaks me.

''But _we kissed_, **during** the war.'' Ron says and I bit me lips. What I am about to say will break his heart.

''I know, Ron, but it wasn't a kiss of love. It was a kiss of **need** for support, being safe, of love.'' I explain and Ron's eyes get watery.

''A need for **love**, Hermione, you said it yourself.'' Ron says and finally looks me in the eyes.

''But that doesn't mean I love you, Ron. We were all broken from the war and I needed someone by my side-''.

''Hermione, you and I are _meant to be_. _We_ love each other, **everybody knows**. You needed _me._''

''Why does everyone think we are meant to be? It's not some _written rule._ I can be with **whoever** I want. It is written nowhere that I love you or that we are meant to be! I needed support, _a friend_, someone who cares about me and you were there, Ron. My parents just died-'' I start saying with a bit of anger. Why does everyone think they know what's best for me or why do they think I have some kind of a destiny I have to fulfill? I am fine with my own decisions.

''Is that it? You're in love with someone _else,_ aren't you?'' Ron says with anger in his own voice.

''Is that your **only **conclusion from everything I've said? I am in love with no one, Ron, not even with you.'' I reply, trying to sound as less harsh as I can because at the end of the day I am breaking Ron's heart.

''All this time since the kiss, I thought you were in love with me. Whatever I did something to get your attention, you never pushed me away. You are just playing hard to get.'' He says, but I doubt he believes himself.

''I never pushed you away because I haven't noticed what you were trying to do until Harry and Ginny **told me**. I thought you understood I am not interested when you saw I _am not_ responding to any of your… tries. I wasn't playing hard to get, Ron, I am not that kind of girl. I am never _wanted.''_

''You **are** that kind of girl, 'Mione, **I** want you.'' Ron replies and I feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

''Well, you shouldn't. Look _what_ I am doing to **you**, Ron. You are the person that loves me the most and I am breaking your heart.'' I reply in a shaky voice.

''But I love you, Hermione.'' Ron says and I can't look him in the eyes. Well done, Hermione.

''I know, Ron, and I am so sorry. I am not the biggest love of your life, that kind of person will love you back. I am just you _high school_ love.'' I say, but now I feel like I am the one who's trying to convince myself that everything isn't that bad.

''You are **not.**'' Ron says with clenched jaw. Give up on me, Ron, I am begging you to.

''For Merlin's sake, Ron, I am just _a crush_. Love is a person's feeling, but it's also about being loved **back**. It's **not** being able to _live_ without the second person. It's ten times stronger than a friendship, than _this._'' I reply. I have no idea where I have all these opinions about love from, but I am trying to sound like they make sense.

''You can learn to love me.'' Ron says quietly.

''It's not a _potion,_ Ron. If after all this time I am not in love with you, then I don't think I can _learn to love you._''

''But you were in love with me.'' Ron says, as if a reminder to himself and I nod.

''Are you…'' Ron starts saying, but his voice breaks, ''Are you in love with someone else?''

As Ron asks that Malfoy appears in my head, but I just shake that thought off. ''No.''

''Hermione,'' Ron says and I look at him, ''I love you.''

The moment Ron says that I want to shoot myself. All those memories of Ron and me run through my head. The day we first met, how he have been there for me, how jealous I was when he was with Lavender, how happy I was when they broke up, the way I felt when Ron left Harry and me in that forest, the way I felt when he came back, the kiss. I feel those tears coming back to my eyes and I try to calm down so I won't start crying.

''I know.'' I say with a nod, ''And I wish I could say the same.''

Ron doesn't respond and I look at him. His blue watery eyes are looking at me, lost, and I take a deep breath to stop myself from crying. He cares so much for me, he always did, and I have no way to repay him. I used to love him, more than a best friend, and I have no idea how to do that again. I don't even know if I should regret him loving me, or me not loving him back.

Ron stands up and walks away. I can't control myself and I call after him, ''Ron!''

My voice and shaky and a few heads turn towards me. But Ron isn't stopping and his head isn't turning towards me. I watch as he walks out of the Great Hall and a short wipe escapes my mouth. I bit my lower lip and out of all the eyes in the Great Hall my own meet Malfoy's and my breath is held. His cold, icy, eyes are looking straight into mine and my breath is held. I haven't talked to him for so long, I haven't **_looked_** at him for so long, and I feel like I missed his eyes, him. I don't know why, but it feels like he is there with me, supporting, and I finally let out the breath I was holding, only to _barely_ breath. For a few seconds it feels like my life is back on its track, but all those thoughts fill my head. Why does he have to do this to me? Why do I feel broken without him? And when I look at him, why does it have to feel so **good**?

Damn it. His eyes, it looks like he cares, not to mention I feel like I am attached to them. They have this sored of… Something I can't even put my finger on in them. It feels so _right,_ like a _safe place_ to land in. His blue eyes, blonde hair, muscular body, it feels like I have missed it so much. And now I insane, but it feels like all those things I said about loving someone are right when it comes to him. No, that's not even an option. Not if I am a rational person.

I notice I am crying and I immediately curse myself for it. _Great, let Malfoy see you weak and broken_. But on the other hand, he is part of the reasons why I am crying. Everything feels like falling apart on me, my parent's death, the war, Ron, being alone, even everything with Malfoy. I stand up and almost run out of the Great Hall.

* * *

I am sitting at dinner with Blaise. It's a weekend and today is the American Thanks Giving, so some _dumbasses_ decided that making parties to celebrate will be a good idea. But, of course, the parties are seen as back-school-parties, plus a Gryffindor winning celebrations. _So many idiots at one place._ Obviously, Blaise and I aren't taking part of those parties, but it seems like most of the students are. Most of the houses' tables are empty, mostly the Gryffindor, but don't mind not going to some stupid party. I am _Draco Malfoy. _

''Where is Nott?'' I ask Blaise as I notice Theo's missing.

''At the party.'' Blaise replies with a smirk and I roll my eyes. Of course Theo hasn't changed at, even after the war. On second thought, I am sure this is his way of dealing with the-after-the-war situation. Unlike me, he is just able to forget about everything that had happened, even for a short time.

I watch as Granger walks in with Weasley following her like a puppy. ''Your golden-girl is found.'' Blaise says with a smirk.

''You're delusional.'' I reply with a frown, but as I keep on eating I look at Granger. She holds her head with her hands and I feel a quick feeling of curiosity and worry washing over me.

''You know, I've talked to her the other day.'' Blaise says and I can't help but look at him with surprise.

''Congrats, mate. I didn't know she was your type.'' I say with a smirk.

''We actually talked about you.'' Blaise replies. _What?_ Salazar, I don't care that much that they talked, I am not _that_ bloody jealous, but they talked about **_me_**?

''Well, that is an irresistible subject, isn't it?''

''I was just trying something. I wanted to see how she'll respond.'' Blaise replies and I raise an eyebrow. Blaise is making experiments on _my_ Granger? **Fuck, I did not just think that.**

''And?'' I ask trying to sound less interested than I really am.

''The results were positive.'' Blaise says with a mysterious smile and I eye him suspiciously.

''Do you mind telling me what you've talked about?'' I ask with curiosity. Since when the combination of Granger and me, at the same conversation, is positive?

''I have told her you are expecting her apology.'' Blaise says and I smirk and look at Granger. I don't know what Blaise wanted to check, but I always liked teasing Granger and the fact that I… have _feelings _for her won't stop it.

Granger is talking with Weasley and it looks like a serious talk since it's just the two of them. I study her and I notice her shining-watery eyes. ''Well, what did _the Golden Girl_ said?'' I ask and keep my eyes on the couple at the Gryffindor table. I actually feel worried for her.

''She said, and I quote- You're too perfect to do something wrong, you're one of a kind and too perfect to admit your own mistakes and that you can go to hell with your stupid blonde hair, awful blue eyes and your fucking title because she gives a fuck about that and she is not apologizing to you.'' Blaise says with a grin. I smirk too. I am already used to those comments coming out of Granger and I know that's all I am ever going to get from _her_. Insults. Isn't my life just fucking _amazing_?

I didn't even notice the change that happened in me. It took me a while to notice that I don't see Granger like I used to anymore, it's I stopped seeing her as the book-warm-angel-golden-Granger I used to and I started _missing_ her, I wanted to see her, I started to have _feelings for her_. Salazar, isn't this just **huge**? Draco Malfoy **has feelings.** I saw her one day, when she was watching a Gryffindor Quidditch practice and I noticed I feel different about her. I felt this _joy_ when I saw her, along with this feeling in my stomach. And in that moment I understood **I am ****_fucked_****. **I have feeling_, positive, good, loving feelings_, towards **Granger.**

I understood that I was teasing her to get her attention. And, _Salazar,_ I'd **die** to get her attention now. There was also this _satisfaction_ I felt when I teased her, especially when she responded to the teasing, but it wasn't bloody _satisfaction_, it was **love** for her, for every name she called me in and for every little word that had left her mouth. I shouldn't have thought about _her mouth_. **Bloody hell.**

How nice for Granger to sit with Weasely and talk while I am sitting here, **_jealous_** as hell, having all those feelings **for her**, without her even knowing. No, erase that, I **am not** jealous of _Weasley_, that I am surly **not** capable of, I feel jealousy towards **everyone** which Granger talks to, looks at. _Yes, I am fucked_. And here I have Blaise checking things on her. Wait.

''What were you trying to see, mate?'' I ask and look back to Blaise.

''I wanted to irritate her and see if she'll say anything about you. If she'll say something she didn't mean to say.'' Blaise replies.

''Well, than it failed miserably.'' I comment and take a zip from my juice.

''Haven't you heard what I told you? She has a crush on you, mate.'' Blaise says and my heart stops for a second.

''Explain.'' I say shortly.

''She obviously noticed your blonde hair and title, not to mention your eyes.''

''That is not _fucking_ logical.''

''Of course it is, Draco.'' Blaise says and I look at Granger, ''When she is made at you she just says the opposite of what she thinks.''

''Ballocks.'' I say with a frown.

I watch as Granger says something to Weasley, her eyes shining with tears and I feel my chest ache. I can't stop myself from wondering what the two are talking about and why is she almost crying.

''Ron!'', Granger's voice shakes me out of my thoughts and now I see Granger sitting alone, looking hopelessly at Weasley which is walking out of the Great Hall. She stares at the door for a few seconds, but when she wipes our eyes meet. Even though we are seen as _'enemies',_ even though we haven't spoke for about a month for what seems like her hating me **too much**, she just stares at me. Her eyes are lost, and I feel myself getting soften under her gaze. She looks so broken that the sight of her seems to be killing me and hurting my insides. Tears start coming down her cheeks and it seems like she calms a bit under my gaze on her, but that is just my imagination. In that moment, broken or not, crying or not, she is the most **beautiful** I've ever seen her.

My heart feels like coming out of my body to Granger. Do I have something to do with her crying? Fuck, no, she was talking to Weasely, she's crying because of him. _That idiot_. Before I can think anything else about Granger she stands up and quickly walks out of the Great Hall.

''Did you see that?'' Blaise asks while I just stare at the doors.

''What?'' I as without any special interest.

''When Granger looked at you, she held her breath.'' Blaise says and I frown while I look back at the Slytherin table.

**''She has feeling for you, Draco. Can't you tell?''**

**A/N: Okay, I wasn't planning on bolding (?) that last sentence, but it won't let me undo it. I don't know if you noticed or not, but Draco never asked Blaise to talk with Granger. We can all forgive him now for last chapter ;)** **AND you have a surprise waiting for you in the next chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A\N: I am so sorry it took me so long to update! By the way, I edited all the chapters so there is separetion between all the POV. Thank you and Enjoy!**

I am standing at the top of one of the Hogwarts tours. A strong wind is hitting me in the face and I can see below me a small black figure walking towards the school entrance with a few more figures behind it. As they disappear from my sight into the school I walk through the stairs, almost bloody run. I don't really know where to go, but I decide to check in my dorm first. I appear before the door, but it's already open. **_Fuck, fuck, fuck_**. I walk in and look around. _Granger, please be in here_. The room is empty and the doors to Granger's and my room are open and they are obviously empty too. The bathroom is quiet and I storm back into the hall. Where could she be? I don't even know why I feel like she's in trouble.

The black figures from a few minutes ago aren't Dementors, but I can guess they aren't much better. I don't even bother checking in the Gryffindor common room as I walk down the stairs, but stop as I see my aunt Bella. ''Draco,'' She says and smiles her rare smile, ''just in time. Follow me.''

I nod even though I have no idea what's going on. Behind her there are three death eaters. They all turn around and I swallow as I follow then. We step into the Great Hall, but it's dark and quiet. I can still see Bella and watch as she waves her wand and a few candles around us light up. I swallow again as I see Granger standing next to Bellatrix. **_Fuck_**. She is holding Granger's hair strongly and I try to look calm. ''We have found this in the castle.'' Bella explains and I smirk.

''Draco,'' Granger says with pleading eyes. _Don't show you care, don't_. _Fuck_, why does she have to call me **that?**

''Shh, darling,'' Bella says and touches Granger's jaw line with her hand, ''everything will be alright soon.''

My fists clench, ''What are you planning to do, aunt?'' I ask with a smirk.

''Changer her.'' She replies as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. I frown, but before I have a chance to ask anything Granger screams. My heart stops as I watch my aunt pulling Granger's hair as if it's bloody _flag_. When she lets go of her hair Granger falls on her knees and I notice her hands and legs are tied. At first she looks at the floor and all I can hear are her whipping, but then she raises her head just a bit and I see her shining eyes looking at me, tears coming down her cheeks and I notice bruises on her neck which I haven't noticed before.

''Is that all you've got, _Golden Girl_?'' Bella says in Granger's ear and I twitch at the nickname I use on Granger, ''We are just getting started.''

Bella pulls her wand out again and murmurs something as Granger starts screaming in pain and lies down on the floor. I am holding myself from walking towards there and killing everyone. Granger's body is moving on the floor painfully, the white dress on her body looks messy and her face is wet from tears. She is lying on her right side and suddenly she stops screaming and lies back on her back. She breathes heavily and I watch as her chest goes up and down. At least she is _alive_, I think to myself, but I don't find in it the comfort I was looking for.

''What do-'' I start asking, but Granger's screams cut my sentence. My head shoots towards her and I watch her, screaming, with her eyes closed, hand trying to find something to hold onto. She is lifted in the air, a few meters high and I notice I don't see Bella anywhere. I frown in wonder, but the slam of Granger being dropped on the floor brings my thoughts back to her.

''Draco, dear, we'll be right back. Miss Granger needs to look more… properly.'' Bella's voice says from the Dark behind Granger.

Granger is lying on her stomach not too far away from me. What is Bella trying to do with her? Before I can wonder Granger's voice cries out in pain. I look around, wondering if I can save Granger somehow, but there are two Death Eaters standing from my both sides. Granger keeps on crying out of pain and after I watch her for a few moments, my heart sinking and curses going through my head towards myself, she suddenly screams while something is pulling her by her feet into the dark. I swallow and watch the place that Granger disappeared into. She is going to be tortured. Hell, she is going to **die**. **_Fuck._**

I don't know how much time passes until Bella appears again with a Death Eater by her side. ''Draco, I am proud to present to you the new Hermione Granger.'' She says and waves her wad towards her right side. A cold wind crosses the Great Hall followed by a few more candles light. Someone steps into the light and I swallow. This is the last thing I have hoped would happen. Granger is standing there, in the same dress, but in red, blood red, and an evil smirk on her face. Her eyes are so dark they seem black and I see the tattoo on her left hand. **FUCK.**

''Hello, Draco.'' She says with a cold smirk.

''Granger,'' I said with a nod as I notice my aunt eyeing me.

''Oh, Draco, don't be rude, it's not only her we welcome.'' Bella says and a few more figures stand next to Granger. They come into the light too and I recognize Luna Lovegood, Sean Thomas, weasel and… Potter? I frown as they all smirk at me. They all have the same expression, like it was duplicated and shivers run up and down my spine as I look back at Granger.

''Welcome.'' I say with a frown. What, in the name of Salazar, is going on in here?

''Thank you, Malfoy.'' Says weasel and steps to stand next to Granger. He crosses his fingers with hers and I clench my jaw.

''We are happy to be here.'' Granger says with the same smirk. Fuck, her voice sounds really _sexy_, but I still know it's not **her **voice.

''What are they?'' I ask my aunt with a frown.

''Our newest members, dear.'' Bella replies, again, as if it's the most obvious thing on earth.

''We are better than _you_, Draco.'' Weasley says and I feel like punching him only for saying my first name. Before I can respond Granger uses her finger to make Weasley look at her. They look at each other for a few seconds while I try to control myself, but as they start screaming passionately I feel like screaming. Granger is a Death Eater? She is in love with Weasley? No, his can't be fucking happening. **_Bullocks._** A cold wind hits my face again and suddenly all I can see is the wonderful sight of Granger and Weasel snogging. ''I am better than you.'' Weasely's voice says even though he is busy pushing his tongue down Granger's throat. Is this real? No, I can't handle this; I can't watch these two-

I wake up. I feel myself breathing heavily and I take my hand through my hair as I try to relax. Fuck, that dream felt real. I sit with my legs on the floor. On second thought Granger would probably rather **die** than to join the Death Eaters, than to become someone like **_me_**. She is too human, full of compassion, full of love and logic. Joining the dark side isn't something she would do, not in this bloody life time.

Merlin, she has really gotten into my head, hasn't she?

She is in my thought, constantly, in my dreams, it's like she's taking over my **entire** bloody life. Fuck, Blaise was right; I should do something about it. I hate when he's right.

A few days later, at breakfast I get a letter from McGonagall. In the letter she asks me to see her at her office at six o'clock. I don't know why she wants to see me; I have been a good student so far, except for my fight with Granger I stayed away from drama and I haven't gotten into trouble at all. I have nothing to worry about, I guess.

As classes end I go to McGonagall's office. Blaise says he'll be waiting for me in the Head's room since he has something to talk to me about. I walk up the stairs to her office and knock on the door before it opens. McGonagall is sitting at her desk, busy with some papers as I put my hands at my pockets and wait. I wonder back to why I am here. If it was about Head duties Granger would be here as well, but since she isn't, I guess I have gotten in trouble. Trouble which I don't know about.

''Sit down, Mr. Malfoy.'' She finally says and I sit at the right chair in front of her.

''I called here because I wanted to know how you are… Handling the new school year.''

''I am doing fine, Head Minister.'' I reply. What so I feel like she's expecting a heart-to-heart conversation with me?

For the next while the professor asks me about my parents, my studying, being Head Boy, the moral in the eighth grade. It wasn't that interesting of a conversation, I didn't say much about myself or my feelings and it felt like that conversation was too bloody long. McGonagall isn't a bad women, I don't hate her like I have hated Dumbledore, but I am not planning to open up to her like I open up to Blaise or Theo.

''Professor?'' A voice says from behind me. Granger. I would recognize her voice anytime.

''Yes, Miss Granger, please come in and take a sit.'' McGonagall says and I feel my heart starting to race. Fuck. So at the end of the day this is about Head duties.

Granger sits down beside me and I know that right now she's only interested in Head's duties. I should do the same.

''I have talked to a few students from your year. They, along with me, think that a certain activity is needed to be made with your year mates. They think that if all of you got to talk, separately, with each other you would get to know better.'' McGonagall explains.

Who the bloody hell talked to McGonagall about this?

''As Head Boy and Head Girl I want you to take the responsibility of organizing such an activity and come up with an activity which will be appropriate to this school.''

I nod while Granger asks, ''How long do we have?''

''I want you to show me a plan within a week.'' McGonagall replies, ''Dismissed.''

Granger and I stand up. We thank McGonagall and walk out of her office. Silently, we walk to our dorm. I remember Blaise is waiting for me in there and I am a bit relived that he will be there. I haven't talked to Granger for so long that I think none of us really knows what to say. In top of all that, I saw her crying that night, so she'll probably be even more close to me than usual. Not that I'll be talking so much, I don't have a lot to say about social activities. Hell, I hate those kinds of things.

* * *

Here I am, walking quietly with Draco Malfoy. I am quite surprised that he hasn't said anything about me crying yet, but we still have a big enough amount of time before dinner begins. Godric, how am I even supposed to talk to him? I have this thing for him and we had a fight. I wish I could plan this by myself, or at least with Ginny's help. This co-operation with Malfoy will drive me insane. Let alone we haven't talked for ages, we weren't even alone in the same room for who knows how long. Damn it, I am supposed to be thinking about a social activity, a good one.

As we reach the door Malfoy says the password and we walk in. I sigh, probably in relief, when I see Blaise sitting in the middle of the living room.

''Granger, long time no see.'' Blaise says with a smirk.

''Shut up, Zabini, we need your help.'' Malfoy says and sits next to Blaise.

**_We? _**Like he and me? Since when am I included in the same word with Malfoy? I raise me eyebrow.

Malfoy looks at me for a second and then smirks at me. I can't help but to half-smile. All though I might deny it in a few seconds, I _missed_ his smirk. I missed him smirking towards **me.**

''_We _need to plan an activity to the eighth year students, something which involves getting to know each other.'' I explain and sit in the couch across from them.

''Well, that's simple. You can pair everyone and let the pairs talk about whatever they whatever they want.'' Blaise says and I roll my eyes.

''The students which asked for it want everyone talking to each other.'' Malfoy says.

''They want everyone talking to everyone?'' Blaise asks and I nod, ''Bloody hell.''

''We have a week.'' I point out.

''A week will take to come up with a good idea.'' Malfoy says as if not commenting about what I've said.

''Well, let's think.'' Blaise says and leans back in his chair.

Fine, let's think. An activity which involves the four houses all together. I have nothing. Those social activities that were used one us in our first day in Hogwarts go through my head, but they are not good enough. We know each other for eight years, saying what's your name, favorite color and things like that doesn't match. The people who asked for this wanted a real conversation with some people in our class, maybe even a conversation about the war. Now when I think about it, I know Malfoy for already eight years. Eight _years._ That feels surreal. Wait, Malfoy is the first to pop in my mind? Not Ron or Harry? They are my best friends. With Malfoy it's just… **_Complicated._**

''Any ideas, Granger?'' Blaise asks.

''Not yet. Do you?''

''No. You're _the-smartest-witch-of-this-class_, you should know.'' He replies, ''You must have something in your mind, maybe something muggle.''

Actually, I have _Malfoy_ on my mind, but that isn't much helpful, is it? Godric, I am Hermione Granger, I should have some ideas about this. So let's say we will pair everyone, so that would be like a date, right? And since everyone should talk with each other it is like a huge date. ''Speed date.'' I murmur.

''What the fuck is that?'' Malfoy asks.

''It's when a lot of single women and men come to a date. Half of them, or just the women, sit in front of a table while the others or the men have a few minutes to talk with the women. They just constantly change their sitting place.'' I explain.

''I heard about that.'' Blaise says.

''We can do the same only with… Well, us.'' I say.

''But how will it work?'' Malfoy asks.

''We can use one of the tables from the Great Hall.'' Blaise points out.

''And every few minutes all of us can just move one sit to the right.'' I add.

''Will a silence spell work around every two people?'' Blaise asks.

''Yes, except, those tables are bloody huge. It has enough room to create privacy between two people.'' Malfoy answers.

''Anything else?'' I ask, but no one answers and I stand up, ''Than I should go to McGonagall and tell her.''

''Draco, can I talk to you mean while?'' Blaise asks.

Malfoy looks at me for a few seconds and I bite my lower lip. Will he come with me? We were able to talk until now, maybe nothing will change without Blaise. I actually feel like I _want_ to be alone with Malfoy. Merlin, who would have thought I would miss **_him_**? But, then again, it feels **good** when he looks at me, when we do talk.

''It's urgent, Granger.'' Blaise says. That sounds suspicious.

''It's alright; I was planning on going alone anyway.'' I reply though I don't believe myself. ''I'll let you know if McGonagall refused.''

''Thank you, Granger.'' Blaise says with half a smile which I don't return.

McGonagall approved our plan and said she'll take care of the detail. She was surprised to see me coming back to her with an idea so quickly, but she didn't think the task would be so complicated for someone like me. It seems like everyone sees me as a bloody genius. She asked if Malfoy was a part of the idea, it seems like she has less faith in him than she has in me. Of course I didn't lie to her about that, I have no motive for that, he deserves some credit. I am not sure why, but after we have 'talked' about this idea I started seeing him a bit differently. Maybe because he proved that he is able to talk to me without insulting me. I did miss him, there's no point in denying it, and I was a bit disappointed he didn't came with me to McGonagall. It seemed to me like he wanted to come, but I have no clue why would he want something like that. He has this look in his eyes, I can see his gaze had changed, but I can't tell what had changed. Merlin, why does it seems to me that I have _feelings_ for the ferret?

When I walk into the Great Hall in seems like the room is buzzing. _Merlin_, another stupid gossip is probably going around. I also notice people looking to similar directions, probably at who the rumor is about. I never liked gossips, plus they were rarely true. As I walk towards Ginny, Harry and Ron I have the feeling like all I can hear is talking. I can't say I am not interested in the rumor; it seems to be very juicy, I am mostly curious. It is probably good that now there's something keeping everyone busy with except for the war.

I see Ron looking at me and suddenly I feel so sad. We didn't fought after that night, but I can still feel that he's keeping some distance from me. I hate it, but I know I should just give him some time to recover. We don't talk much, though I can see he's making an effort not to ignore me. I can't even imagine how he feels like, being rejected by the person you love, and I hope we'll get through it quickly.

I come near Ginny as a place to sit is made for me. ''Hey, 'Mione.'' She says with a smile, ''Have you heard?''

''About?'' I ask as I sit down. I wave at Lavender which is sitting on Ginny's other side and I smile at Ron and Harry.

''The rumors.'' Ginny replies.

''No, and I am not that interested in-'' I start saying calmly, but Ginny cuts me off.

''Draco Malfoy is shagging Lavender.'' Ginny spits out with a smirk.

''We're no shagging, we're snogging.'' I hear Lavender say, but I am already deep in thoughts.

It feels like the world around me is collapsing. He is with Lavender? I bite my lower lip. I feel like crying. It's like my ears are shut and my head is mostly empty except of what Ginny said. Draco Malfoy is shagging Lavender. It echoes through my mind and I notice my mouth is open with surprise. I suddenly feel like screaming as loud as I can. Screaming and crying. _Draco and Lavender?_

I look up from my empty plate and meet cold, blue, icy eyes. I feel like screaming again, screaming at him, at Lavender, at everyone. I know I have tears in my eyes, which Malfoy is looking straight at. I still have that echo in my head and I am not hungry anymore. **Draco Malfoy is shagging Lavender**.


	9. Chapter 9

**A\N: Hey, everyone. I had a few reviews about my grammar and spelling, so I will probably have a helping hand with that soon. This might be the last chapter I'll update for the next week and a half. The thing is, my grandmother is sick, cancer, and we found out about it yesterday, so I am flying on Friday to Russia and I don't think I'll have the option or time of updating there. I might update before I'll leave to Russia, but I haven't even started writing the next chapter so don't count on that. **

DracoLover**: Lol, really? I am glad nothing really happened to you. Hermione WONT be dating Blaise, but I am planning to make Draco a bit jealous ;)**

**I certainly do not own Harry Potter. Enjoy!**

I don't even know how I had gotten into this. Lavender Brown never interested me much; all I know about her is that she used to date the weasel. She is pretty, but I am under the impression that she is not so different from Pansy. It wasn't even my idea, it was Blaise's. Lavender and I? I would have to think really hard to get to _that._

Blaise suggested me to distract myself from Granger before I had that nightmare. It took me that nightmare to hear him out. Before it I didn't even want to hear about it- _Why would I need a distraction? I am the Slytherin Sex God, if I'll want one I'll get one_. But, after the dream I noticed how often I think about Granger and shit like that- it felt ridiculous to me. So I turned back to Blaise and heard what he had in mind. He thought that since I am _head over heels_ with Granger, which I am **not**, I should use a distraction from her. I don't even know how he found out that I have feelings towards her, but I guess that's part of his _magic_. So Blaise suggested I will often snog with someone, that way I'll be both distracted and my reputation will recover. I never expected him to suggest Lavender; I thought it would be some random Slytherin student. I don't even know why he chose bloody her; she surly has an unpleasant past with Granger, which everyone know of. Blaise said that if I wanted to get a distraction from Granger I shouldn't think about her response to that. Well, He **had** a fucking point.

The same day Granger, Blaise and I thought of that social activity Blaise talked to me while Granger left to talk with McGonagall. He told me Lavender, which I was already snogging with for a week and a half, is telling everyone about us. _Ugh,_ I hate that word when it comes to her; I am not fucking _dating_ her. I didn't care since Granger doesn't cares about rumors, but once I got into the Great Hall for dinner it seemed like Brown and I are the new hot topic. Glaring, whispering, pointing, it was all towards her and me. I didn't care about it all until I saw Granger. That was when I knew I am fucked and doomed.

She sat next to weaselette so calmly that I guessed she didn't know yet. Deep inside I hoped she heard the rumors and that that's her reaction to it, but on the other hand I really wanted her to care about Brown and me. The reason to that coming from me is obvious, I don't even know what my reaction would be like if **_she_** was snogging with someone other than me. The weaselette seemed so excited that I guessed she knew. She asked Granger something and Granger started answering right before she was cut. Weasley said something and looked at Lavender for a second. Is she telling her about Lavender and me? Granger's face went pale and I prayed Weasley haven't told her about the snogging. I watch Granger for a few seconds, her face was so pale that I get _worried_, but as looked straight at me I knew I shouldn't worry because I screwed it all. Her eyes were watery and as she stared at me and I wondered if she was really looking at me since her eyes seemed unfocused. I am happy that she cares, fuck that, I never expected her to care _that_ much, but I also felt my chest hurting from the sight of Granger on the verge of crying because of me. Here I go again and bloody ruin her life.

In that moment I knew Blaise is probably right- Granger might have _actual_ feelings **for me**. Feelings like mine. And here I am, ruining everything as usual. What a gift I've got.

Since that day Granger went back to ignoring me. I know, fuck, I have ruined everything in one **day**. Maybe even in one hour. Before dinner everything between Granger and me was completely fine, everything was even getting **_better,_** but then it all got ruined. I know I can blame it all on Blaise, but I only blame myself. We were actually talking again, she even half-smiled at me. I should have waited, Merlin, I would have done nothing if I knew she was actually planning to speak to me again, but now there's no point. She bloody hates me, _despises_ me.

Maybe it's better this way. This year I actually get to understand how bad I am for Granger. No matter what I'll do she'll get hurt. She might be better without me, when there is no one there to ruin her life. Just that tiny little chance of her having feelings for me, _anything,_ could have made my entire life better. Oh, but wait, I blew that up, _marvels._

And now here I am, in the living room of the Head's common room with Lavender Brown on my lap. I hate being with her in here, but I will never get into the Gryffindor common room and I am not planning on spending time in the Slytherin common room.

''You're such a great kisser.'' Lavender says between the kisses.

She attacks me again with her hungry kisses and I try to hold her in her place instead of letting her lie over me. That seems quite impossible to do since she is basically throwing herself on me. Salazar, she is probably really horny. Fucking no, I am not going to _shag_ her. ''Slow down, Brown.'' I murmur and give her a slight push back.

''Sorry, Drakie, I am just…'' She starts saying and then just bites her lower lip, looks at mine and sighs.

''First of all, do not call me that.'' I say coldly.

Pansy used to call me that. Drakie, Drakie- poo, it was misery. What is with girls and those nicknames? I am not a bloody dog or a teddy bear.

''How? _Drakie?_'' She asks and I clench my jaw.

''**No** nicknames, Brown.'' I explain.

''Alright.'' She replies with a frown. She looks at me for a second and then bites her lower lip again before kissing me.

It seems like she is very passionate when it comes to kissing. It is likes she is trying to bloody _eat_ me. She should really learn to control herself. When I feel her pushing her tongue down my throat I wonder how that weasel could take it for so long. Probably, since he really had feelings for her. Who knows?

I move from Lavender as I feel like I don't have enough air and that is really not as simple as it sounds. Salazar, how does _she_ still have air?

She smiles at me for a few seconds, but I don't respond and just wait for her to do something. We might be snogging, but I am not planning to become _Mr. Sunshine_ for her. Hell, I am Draco Malfoy; she should know what she got into. Eventually, she leans on my chest and stops with her creepy smiling. Seriously, it is kind of disturbing. I sit calmly enough and watch the air in front of me. It's kind of boring, but at least she is peaceful for a while. I feel a warm feeling in my hand and I wonder what it is. I look down and see the explanation. Is she holding my hand? What in the name of Merlin? I freeze in my place as my eyes pop out.

''What are you doing?'' I ask irritated.

''Holding your hand.'' She says as if it was as simple as that, but it really isn't.

''Stop it.'' I reply and try to pull my hand out of hers.

''Why?'' She asks in almost a shock.

''Brown, do I look to you as the type of person which holds hands?'' I ask with an eye roll.

''That's what couples do.'' Lavender says with a chuckle.

I push her from above me and my hand separates from hers. She looks at me with surprise and I just look at her angrily. _''Couples? _We are **not** a couple.'' I say, outraged.

''Of course we are, silly.'' She replies and tries to pat me hair, but I push her back to standing in front of me.

**''We are not**. Haven't Blaise explained this to you? We are two people snogging, no two fucking _love birds_.'' I call at her.

''He did, but that doesn't mean-'' She starts saying with a naughty smile.

''It is as simple as that, Brown. We don't hold hands, you don't call me names, we don't go on dates and you don't _pat_ _me_.''

''Fine!'' Lavender calls angrily.

I didn't mean to upset her, but I really don't need a new Pansy running around me. ''I am doing this for you, Brown. You wouldn't like to be led on, would you?'' I say as I pass my hand through my hair.

''No.'' She replies quietly, as if she's a little girl who was just yelled at.

Women. At least Christmas is close and Lavender will leave Hogwarts. I'll have some peace.

* * *

Since the day I found out about the ferret and Lavender we haven't talked again. Lavender is easy to handle when she is not talking about the ferret, besides, I am not mad at her. I don't know why, but when it comes to the ferret I feel so… _Betrayed._ I am back to hating him, **despising** him, I am not able to be a part in a conversation which he is mentioned in, I call him 'ferret' and I am back to having a breakdown when it comes to him. I avoid his glances towards me, I avoid looking at him, and generally I avoid him. It's like I am back to the day after I screamed at him.

I haven't cried that night, even though it felt like I was about to burst into tears in any moment. That day I understood that I just need to get over any feeling which Malfoy encourages in me. I need to move on over him. Merlin, it sounds pathetic, but I knew that that way it would just be easier for me.

Although it isn't much of a scoop, Lavender and the ferret seem to be Hogwarts's biggest drama. Everyone talks about it, everyone point and whisper, but Lavender just enjoys the attention. I don't know a thing about her and Malfoy's relationship. Since I found out about those two I stopped listening as soon as the name Draco Malfoy was brought up in a conversation. I have wondered a few times if they are in a serious relationship, after all they are just snogging, but I don't seem to be able to see the ferret in an actual relationship which includes _genuine feelings_ and _caring._

Instead of focusing on Malfoy, I decided I should pay more attention to Ron. Time has passed and he is still distant. We barely talk with each other and I never get to see him alone. Even though he isn't ignoring me I keep on feeling as if he is pushing me out of his life. I don't know if I prefer him to just stand and shout at me for breaking his heart or just continue on staying away from me. I am not in love with him, but I still love him as my best friend and it is like I can literally see the space which used to be his part in my life standing empty.

Ginny and I walk into the Gryffindor girls' bedroom and sit on her bed. I sit down at the end of the bed and look around. I have spent so much time in here through the years, but then was the war and here I am feeling like a complete stranger. Even though it was still my room not too long ago, with everything that has been happening it feels like so long ago. The entire room feels as warm and as inviting as always, but I just feel nostalgia towards it.

''Do you miss this room?'' Ginny asks and I guess she noticed my gaze wondering through the room.

''I didn't even though about it.'' I reply, ''Though, it does seem like things here were simpler.''

Ginny chuckles and says, ''Seriously, 'Mione? When you still lived here Voldemort was still alive, you were jealous because of Ron and Lavender. Nothing was _simpler_.''

I sigh with a small smile, ''I am just so far from that.''

''And it is better this way.'' Ginny replies softly.

I think about what Ginny said. We are safer and free from Voldemort, back in Hogwarts to graduate and everything seems to be fine. I have all my friends with me and the Weasley family is supporting as always. The only thing that has gone worse is my parents. They are not here. Godric, with everything that has been going on I barely have a chance to think of them. I feel tears starting to form in my eyes and I swallow.

''Hermione? What's wrong?'' Ginny asks in a worried voice and sits closer to me.

Ginny hugs me with one arm and pulls me closer to her. I lean my head on her shoulder and I feel her looking down on me.

''Nothing, I just thought about my parents…'' I reply in a quiet voice, ''I seem to be getting over their deaths faster than I have expected.''

''Oh, 'Mione, that's nonsense. I know you remember and love them. It might seems to you like you are moving on with your life, but here you are talking to me about them.'' Ginny replies and pats me hair with her free hand.

''It's like I don't even care that they're dead.'' I say and hope I won't start crying.

''Of course you care. You will always care and the fact that you aren't thinking about them in every single minute doesn't mean you don't care.''

''But it has been so long since the last time I thought about them.'' I murmur.

Ginny tightens her hug around shoulders while I try to stop myself from crying. I am only trying to keep myself crying because once I will cry I might not be able to stop.

We stay silent for about a minute and when I finally feel calm I get back to how I was sitting. ''How are you and Ron doing?'' Ginny asks softly.

''I don't know, we are barely talking and he is always with Harry.'' I reply with a shrug.

''But he isn't ignoring you, right?''

''No, but we never talk alone. I know he is trying.'' I say with a sigh.

''Maybe time will help him.'' Ginny says.

''I know, but it's killing me that he won't talk to me.''

''You know how he is, 'Mione. My brother is an idiot.'' Ginny says and rolls her eyes.

''I am not blaming him, Ginny. I hurt him, he has every right in the world to be mad at me.'' I reply.

''I know, but that doesn't mean he should make it harder on you. It has been about a _month_ since you told him.'' Ginny says softly.

''I don't want to force him to talk to me.''

''You're not, I will.'' Ginny says with a smile.

''Ginny, don't, **I** should handle the situation I have gotten myself into by myself.'' I say after rolling my eyes.

''One way or another you'll talk in that activity.''

''The social one? The one I thought of? No one there has to talk to anyone.''

''How is it going, by the way?'' Ginny asks and I sigh.

''Fine, I guess. McGonagall said she would take care of it. We just thought of an idea.'' I explain.

''Really?'' Ginny asks with a frown and I nod.

''There isn't as much as you think to plan.'' I say and as I remember I am not supposed to tell anyone about it I stop talking.

''So, what is this social activity?'' Ginny asks with a smile.

''I can't tell you, Ginny.'' I reply with a smirk.

''Fine.'' Ginny says with a sigh, ''When will it be?''

''Probably next week,'' I reply and then add, ''I should go; I still have homework to do.''

I stand up and head over to the door. I wave goodbye at Ginny as she says, '' 'Mione, do you want to come to with us home on Christmas?''

I smile, but say with a sigh, ''We'll see. Christmas seems so far through my point of view.''

''Just let us know.'' Ginny says and I smile at her again before walking out of the dorm.

Christmas, holydays, happiness, it all seems so far away from me.

**A\N: It's not my best chapter, I know, but I can't just jump to what happens next. Draco won't be spending too much time with Lavender and next chapter (which will be uploaded I don't know when) will have some Dramione :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm back :) First of all, I am sorry for the long time since my last update, but I didn't have much of a choice. Second of all, thank you to all my followers and the people who favorited (It feels like the Oscars XD). This chapter and the previous one aren't that important, so sorry about that, I just can't jump from one thing to another so fast, it's surreal.**

**By the way, I am working on another Dramione fanfiction, so here is one more thing you can expect to ;)**

**I do not own Harry Potter. If I did.. You get it (;**

* * *

About a week later the social activity was about to happen. All the eighth year students were informed that at the end of the school day they need to be present in the Great Hall. Of course, everyone was surprised and excited because of the unknown, but Blaise, Ginny, the ferret and I knew what was going on, especially Blaise, the ferret and I. And here we are.

''Good after noon, students.'' McGonagall says. She is standing in front of us between the empty tables of the Great Hall and I notice a few students frowning at her.

''Your year had gone through a lot and it seems like from all of the Hogwarts years yours is the most divided.'' She continues, ''As a result of that, it was decided to make an activity which will help you get to know each other, understand each other, better. With the help of the Head girl and boy, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy, an activity like that was thought of.''

Even though we are standing in front of the head minister, it still seems like everyone are too excited, surprised and curious to not talk.

''Silence,'' McGonagall says and the talkers become silent, ''I want to invite Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy to explain to you about their idea.''

I freeze. _Malfoy and Me?_ Godric. McGonagall signals me to come forward and I give Ginny a puzzled look. Ginny gives me a small reassuring smile and I walk towards McGonagall. Malfoy walks towards us and I try to ignore him as he stands on McGonagall's other side, _oh Merlin._

''Well…'' I say and swallow as I feel everyone looking at me, ''_Our_ idea is that we all will sit down around one table. Each one of us will talk for five minutes with the person in front of him about whatever you want. There are silence spells around every two people so you can feel free to talk. Every five minutes we all will move one sit to the right, so that way we all will have a chance to talk.''

I almost choke while saying the word 'our', but I know that Malfoy will never be able to explain this properly so I continue. With all these gazes on me I feel my face becoming red. I am really not meant to preform, or do anything else, in front of people.

''Without further ado, we should start.'' McGonagall says and everyone head toward the table which McGonagall shows us to sit next to.

Malfoy and I follow silently our class mates and the moment I notice his gaze on me I stop breathing. _Godric, Hermione, control yourself._ I turn my face away and try to hurry up and sit next to Ginny. The table is meant for a much bigger amount of people than our number, so each one of us is sitting about a meter away from the people on his sides. From the corner of my eye I see Malfoy sitting at the second end of the table and I sigh in relief.

''You shall begin talking.'' McGonagall says.

The activity has been going well. It is nice to talk to some new people and with people who you haven't got the chance to talk with since the war. About halfway through I get to talk to Ron. He sits in front of me silently and I can see he doesn't know what to say, but I doubt that I do. He looks at his hands and I remind myself we only have five minutes. I change my sitting position and lean a bit forward on to the table.

''Hey.'' I say and smile at Ron while I follow his eyes to his hands, which I can't see through the table.

Ron looks up at me and smiles a small smile, ''Hi, 'Mione.''

''How have you been?'' I ask softly and hope Ron would tell me the truth, that way we can start a **real** conversation.

''Ah… Fine, I guess.'' Ron says and I sigh since that is not the answer I wanted to get from him.

''Ron, I am sorry.'' I say and search for Ron's eyes, which are now staring at the table. He won't even _look_ at me.

''Hermione, it's okay.'' Ron says and looks up at me for a few seconds.

''No, it's not.'' I reply, irritated, ''You have been acting like this is some **nonsense**, but you don't talk to me except for 'hello' and 'goodbye'.''

''I am sorry.'' Ron murmurs and I sigh again.

He really isn't making it easier on me. I know I might be lucky that he is even talking to me, but I feel like he is forcing himself to. I would prefer to know how he feels rather than this silence. I am not here so he can apologize to me nor so I can apologize to him, but I will be apologizing for a long time to him.

''Just tell me how you are, **something**, whatever you want.'' I say desperately.

''Something like what?'' Ron asks with a frown.

''Anything, Ron! Just yell at me, curse me, ANYTHING.''

''Hermione,'' Ron says with a sigh and I know I am a bit exaggerating.

''We can't be friends again if you won't tell me how you feel; we need to talk about what happened.''

''About you not loving me?'' Ron calls and I am relieved to see I can squeeze some emotion out of him.

''Yes and about you loving me.'' I say softly as I try to remind Rom that I am not here to fight.

''Well, what can I already say? You know **_you broke my heart_**.'' Ron says and just those four words at the end make my chest ache.

''Than why are you avoiding me?'' I ask in a soft voice because after what Ron said that I can't be mad at him. I really and truly want to know the reason.

''I am not-'' Ron starts saying, but I become a bit angry and cut him.

''You are, Ronald. We don't talk, you are always with Harry, you barely look me in the eyes.'' I call at him with a frown. Why is he trying to deny it?

''I don't know what I am supposed to do about you.'' Ron admits and then looks at his hands.

''Ron, we can be friends again, we can try.'' I say softly, ''Right? Just please try to put what happened behind you, for me.''

The sign that we need to move a sit to the right is shown and I glance hopefully at Ron. Ron looks at me too and then nods before moving to his next short conversation. Maybe, after all, there is hope for our friendship.

* * *

The moment Lavender sits in front of me she smiles, though it looks like a forced smile. She spends so much time around me that I am getting tired of her. She always jumps around, moves too much, talks a lot, I feel like I need to get a vacation from her the moment I see her. She is like this _child_ which I am not ready **or** want to have. ''Draco.'' She says with a smirk and uses her naughty voice.

''Lavender,'' I reply with a small nod. Even now, I feel like she wants something from me.

''What have you been up to since I last saw you?'' she asks and I try to avoid rolling my eyes.

''I talked with Blaise and Theo.'' I reply coldly.

''Really? What about?'' She asks and I am amazed to see genuine interest burning through her eyes.

''Life,'' I reply sarcastically. She can't really expect me to tell her what I was talking about with my friends.

Lavender chuckles and I am disappointed to see that she thinks that is _funny_. What is with her? I am **meaner** to her rather than _funny_.

Silence falls on us. Everyone around us seems to be deep on conversation, but I don't even know what to talk with Lavender about. She is a child; I have nothing to talk with her about. It feels like I need to be her _BFF _to actually talk with her. I don't even talk with her. We don't talk; to her it seems so **pointless**, talking instead of kissing. Fine, maybe I am underestimating her, but how can I see her differently when she keeps throwing herself at me?

Salazar, since when a girl which is _throwing herself at me_ is a **bad **thing?

I can't tell why, but I don't like being with her. Maybe I am not good enough for her, just like with Granger, maybe I don't see the best side of her. But that is who I am, selfish and careless Draco Malfoy, and all I care about is me, my mom, my friend and… Well, Granger. I can't see any further than that, I can't stand Potter or Weasley, I mock both weasel and weaselette, I hate Gryffindors and for years all I cared of was my blood. I don't even care about Lavender that much. This entire situation is just **_ridiculous._** Merlin, why did I even think Granger cares? Oh, right, dinner a week ago.

Fuck, I should really stop with this _caring_.

After a few minutes Granger and I sit in front of each other. Our eyes meet for a quick second before she looks away. I study her as if I haven't seen her for a while, but I did, I just don't feel like getting enough since she isn't looking back. I am probably just worried about her. Salazar, I can barely think like _the old Malfoy_ anymore. But, I because I have feelings, **loving **feelings, towards that brunette golden girl, I can't not worry about her. With everything which I have done to her, with every word I have said, I have to study her and see how she is dealing with everything.

Her brown curls are lifted into a ponytail and since her hair is longer than before, its' end reaches the end of her neck, her shoulders aren't as pushed back as they used to be, her uniform is as perfect as always. Her hands are resting on the edge of the table; she is playing with her fingers so I guess she is nervous. Her eye lashes add so much femininity to her face and her eyes, her brown sad eyes, are looking at other people, avoiding meeting my own.

I know this activity is a chance for two people to talk, to get to know each other, but I don't think the two of us will talk. Fuck, I am even scared to say something to her, **_anything_**; it can just hurt her **more**, though I doubt I can make this situation any worse. On the other hand, before I started snogging with Lavender I thought the same; that it couldn't get any worse, but here I am and I know I was definitely mistaken. I once heard a sentence like that; when things seem to be the worst they can get worsen.

Stupid bloody world.

A part of me wants to talk to Granger so badly, I mean, _fuck,_ but one way or another I have no bloody idea what I am supposed to tell her. We have not a single bloody thing to talk about, or at least I don't have a single thing to tell her which will make her talk back to me. This situation cannot be solved by acting similar to when Granger was trying to ignore me, when we patrolled together. Not a single subject that came up in my mind then will help me now. The thing is, all of this can only be solved by talking about it, but Granger is not showing a will to do that. I am not even sure **I **want to talk with her about it myself, I am acting like an idiot lately and I guess discussing that wouldn't be that _fun_. I know I can apologize to her, though I don't really know what about and this isn't the best place for that.

Once I think about it I notice that, unlike with Lavender, with Granger I can talk about anything. She is the smartest girl around and I am not that much of an idiot myself. With her I can have an actual conversation, even if it is based on teasing each other. Well, we were able to keep a conversation. With all due respect to Lavender, which I am not sure I have, she has zero chances with me. Probably any one around here or anywhere at all, has zero chances with me, except for **_one._**

No, hell no, I am not going back to those _whiny_ thoughts about _how poor I am because Granger won't speak with me or to me ever again_. Maybe I should try to care less, just turn it off. At the end of the day, I am Draco Malfoy; therefore I should be able to care less about everything, including Granger. _That's it Malfoy, that is the attitude you should embrace. You don't care, just look around, you don't give a fuck about ninety nine point nine of everything around you. __**Malfoys do not care**__. Now look at Granger- you don't care about her either, she is Granger and a Gryffindor. She is everything you hate. Fine, she is everything you're _supposed_ to hate. She doesn't care about you, so you shouldn't care about her. Oh, Salazar, can you at least try not to care about her? _

_Oh, ballocks,_ I think to myself while I take my hand through my hair, _she is Granger, of course I care._ I might even always care. Yes, I know- Fuck.

* * *

Sitting in front of Malfoy is kind of a torture. I can feel his eyes on me and I wonder why he keeps on looking at me all the time. Not that I mind. No, erase that- Of course I mind. I am ignoring this one big ferret, I don't want to even look at him, but that's not that simple to do when he is sitting in front of me. No matter how much I try to look away, which angles I sit in, I can still see him from the corner of my eye. I should have thought about this when I came up with this _so-stupid-activity_. This entire situation is completely stupid, I should have thought of a way to avoid Malfoy. As if I am going to talk to him. I am thankful that he isn't trying to start a conversation with me, but I know that that is weird of him. I feel the slightest worry towards him- Since when is he that quiet? Why isn't he teasing me or something like that? That was what he did when I tried to ignore him in the past. Maybe he is so into Lavender that he doesn't even care about me ignoring him.

The moment I am moving to the next person I sigh with relief. I sit down in front of the next person and once my eyes meet his I doubt I am relived. Blaise Zabini is sitting across the table and his eyes seem to shine with amusement when he sees me.

''Granger,'' Blaise says with a smirk.

''Zabini,'' I reply doubtfully.

''Go on, you can ask anything you want.'' He says as if he is a movie star and I roll my eyes.

''You know, Zabini, the purpose of this is getting to know **each other**.'' I reply.

''Well, Granger, I helped you think of this activity.'' Blaise says with a smirk.

''I forgot you are that humbled.'' I say sarcastically and we both smirk.

''Liar,'' Blaise replies and leans forward, ''I am _unforgettable_.''

I chuckle and lean forward myself, ''Everything has a first time.''

Blaise smirks and looks away. I follow his gaze to Malfoy which is sitting on his right. Malfoy is sitting in front of a Ravenclaw student, but his interest in her seems to be zero. His eyes seem to be looking in our direction, though he is mostly looking at Blaise with an irritated gaze. His jaw is clenched and he seems very unsatisfied. I can't help but wonder, _is he jealous?_ In that moment Malfoy looks at me and I feel butterflies in my stomach. He can't be jealous, not with Blaise, not when he is talking to **_me_**. But on the other hand…

I look back to Blaise and swallow. All those questions flying through my hand is another reason why I better avoid him. A sudden sadness falls on me, but gladly I have Blaise to distract me.

* * *

Not half a minute passes until Granger and Blaise start talking. It's pretty amazing how fast she can switch moods from being mad at me to laughing around with my best friend. With me she turns everything off; the happiness, the talking, **all of it**. I watch as she and Blaise talk without paying too much attention to the girl which is sitting across from me. To be honest, even that Ravenclaw isn't that much happy to sit in front of me. _Well, she isn't that _interesting_ herself_.

My jaw clenches while I watch Granger and Zabini and as much as I hate to admit it I feel a slight feeling of jealousy in my chest. I can definitely _rip _something_ out of Blaise_ right now. He is my best friend, but I felt the same way when Granger was talking to Mr.-red-weasel-head.

They smile at each other and in that moment I hear a low quiet growl coming out of me. Blaise looks at me and I notice the reassuring look he is giving me so I will calm down. It isn't as helpful as he thinks. To my surprise even Granger is looking at me after all this time. My entire body feels like burning and I try to stay calm as I keep an eye contact with her. I don't know why she suddenly decided to look at me, but I really don't give a _fuck_ about the reason. Granger looks back to Blaise and I feel hurt at that. The only optimistic thought I have in that moment is that at least she is trying to move on.

_That makes one of us._

* * *

**A/N: I just want to clarify, if you had any doubts, that there is nothing romantic going on between Blaise and Hermione. By the way, who would you like to be with Blaise? I personally have no idea, so if you have any thing in mind review (it's kind of another reason for you to review ;))**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Chapter ELEVEN, who would have thoguht? ;) I am back to school, so I am not sure how often I will be updating, though during this month I have holydays coming up.**

**I do not own Harry Potter.**

* * *

The days keep on going back and school becomes more intense. I find myself doing lots of homework and assignment, spending full hours on it. Just like me, Ron, Harry and Ginny are also busy with their assignments. While Ginny and Harry try to do everything without any help, Ron continues with his previous system of handing all of his homework over to me. It's irritating and wrong, but I try not to fight with Ron about it. He has finally gotten back to acting normal around me, thank Merlin, so the last thing I want is to argue with him and make him be pushed away again.

Obviously, Ron and I aren't back to _normal_. We are friends again, but you can see the difference between now and how we used to be. We are both trying and I am happy that we are back to being friends even if it's different from what we are used to. It feels like a part of my life is back to its place, though it still needs to be worked on. I am feeling calmer these days, more peaceful, but I would be even calmer once Ron would stop irritating me.

It seems like my life is slowly going back to its routine, thought I still feel a bit incomplete.

I am walking to dinner with Ron, Ginny and Harry through the stairs. I notice McGonagall walking towards the end of the stairs, her eyes looking for someone or something. She is wearing mainly dark colored clothes and a hat as she always does. Finally, her eyes set on me and worry floats through me. She is obviously waiting for me and her face expression makes me worry. Her expression isn't saying much, but it seems a bit unsatisfied. What can she possibly want from me? Have I done something? Is something wrong?

''I will join you later.'' I say towards my three best friends and they nod as they notice McGonagall waiting for me.

I rush towards the end of the stairs, ''Hello, professor.'' I say as I reach her.

McGonagall shows me to come after her and I nod as we walk away from both the Great Hall and the stairs. Students walk and hurry past us and I notice Malfoy isn't here. Maybe this has to do only with me. Godric, this, whatever it is, doesn't seems to be good. I keep my eyes on the professor and play with my fingers, trying to take away my worry.

''Miss Granger, I am sorry I am not doing this as firmly as I should, but I don't have the time for formality.'' McGonagall says after a big group of students walks past us.

Why doesn't she have time? Is she is a rush? All of my thoughts become wondering about what is going on and I decide to make it easier on me and just ask. ''Is everything alright?''

''There is nothing to worry about, Miss Granger, I just need to talk with you and Malfoy.'' McGonagall says, she probably noticed my face's expression.

Malfoy **_and_** me? Bloody hell, they must have found out about our use of the Marauder's Map.

''Our school, in an order to make the atmosphere in here better and happier, decided to organize a ball.'' McGonagall explains and I sigh in relive, ''You and Mr. Malfoy won't be obligated to help with the decorations or anything from that sort, but I must use your help with the date of it.''

''Um…'' I say and think, ''Well, holydays aren't that far, we can have it around those days.''

''That is correct; though there are Quidditch games planned to some of those days and let us not forget about the day after the ball. Students will be needed to study.''

''We can have it the day before we go on the Christmas holyday. There is nothing planned for then and the days after there are no classes.'' I say the moment the idea comes up to my mind.

McGonagall thinks for a few moments in which during them I am waiting silently, hoping my idea is good enough.

''I guess you're right, Miss Granger, though I will have to discuss it with the school's staff.'' McGonagall says and I nod with a small smile on my face.

''Now, unfortunately, I need to ask you to do one more thing. I need you to see if Mr. Malfoy has any ideas of his own and if he is fine with your proposition.''

My heart sinks.

''Ask him today and if everyone will approve we will have a ball the day before you go out on vacation.'' McGonagall adds.

I nod though my entire body is screaming no. She wants me to come to Malfoy and have an actual conversation with him. No. NO. That is one of the things which I am **not** supposed to be doing right now, nor during the rest of the school year. I can't do this.

''I would do it myself, but I am having a meeting with the Minister of Magic. Now, I am sorry, Miss Granger, but I must hurry up.''

I nod automatically. McGonagall thanks me and walks away, leaving me in the middle of the hall, biting my lower lip.

I walk towards the Great Hall. I can always lie, say I have asked him and he agreed. I can say I forgot, but that lie would be noticed with a blink- Hermione Granger doesn't just _forget_. Or, I can actually approach him. No, I can't go there and just talk to him. Oh, fuck, I have to.

I sit down next to Ginny and Ron, feeling as if I am in a trance. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to go there and _talk_ to him.

''What did McGonagall want?'' Harry asks.

''She needs me to ask Malfoy something.'' I reply while I somehow remember not to give away the details about the planned ball.

''Malfoy?'' Ron asks with horror.

''He is the Head Boy.'' I reply quietly, as if to myself.

''Will you do it? You can just lie instead.'' Harry says as if it is that simple.

''I told McGonagall I would ask him.'' I say.

'' 'Mione, first of all, do not lie. You're not that good of a lair. Second, just go there and ask him. Just like talking a plaster off. You'll be fine.'' Ginny says and gives me a reassuring smile.

I nod. This is not about me, this is about Head duties, and I said I would do it. I need to do it. I look over to the Slytherin table, watching the blonde sitting in the center with his two best friends on his sides. Come on Hermione, this is **ballocks**.

I swallow and go back to biting my lower lip as I wait for the perfect chance to approach.

''Mate, Granger's staring at you.'' Theo whispers to me, trying to avoid Lavender hearing it.

I look towards the Gryffindor table. Granger is looking at me? Draco Malfoy? Theo is delusional. My eyes set on a brown one and my heart almost stops. Theo wasn't lying. Granger is looking straight at me while biting her lower lip and looking stressed. It takes her a few seconds to notice I am looking back at her eyes and then she blushes and looks away.

I can't help but smirk at the situation. She is even beautiful when she blushes. Salazar, it has been so long since the last time I have smirked it her that it feels like a bloody **dream**. I try to think of a logical reason for Granger's sudden act, but one of the only reasonable explanations I get is that she started to develop feeling towards me. I mean, that is bloody insane, but the look in her eyes, her lips, the blush and looking away, it all fits my theory.

''What have I told you?'' Blaise asks me quietly with a smirk.

''Ballocks, Zabini.'' I reply, knowing as well as he that that is not a proof to anything, though it is suspected.

A few minutes later Lavender finally abandons her sitting place next to me. I hear her saying good-bye to Theo and Blaise, but I ignore her when she's talking to me. In fact, I am watching Ganger, which seems to be getting out of the Great Hall as well, alone, probably going to the library. I eye her for a couple of seconds and wonder why she is looking so _rushed_. Merlin, I shouldn't care, I am not even a part of her life anymore.

I go back to eating, but almost choke when something hits my lungs. Blaise's elbow. I cough a few times and look angrily at Blaise. What the bloody hell is his problem?

''Granger,'' He says shortly and looks to the right.

I follow Blaise's gaze and I am shocked to see **Hermione Granger** heading towards the **_Slytherin_** table, our table. What in the name of Merlin is she doing? I am feeling both highly curios and shocked towards the sight. I can see she is still nervous since she is playing with her hands. Is she about to do something? What is going on?

''Granger,'' Blaise says towards her as Granger slows down next to him.

I can feel my insides screaming. What the bloody hell? She is here for Blaise? Fuck, Fuck, Fuck_. No._

Granger doesn't replies, but just nods towards Blaise and stands next to him. ''Lost your way?'' Theo asks with a smirk and I look at him angrily why considering elbowing him.

She is here for a reason, no doubt. A Gryffindor, a member of the Golden Trio, doesn't _just_ show up at the Slytherin table. The last thing I need is for Theo to make Granger to regret coming and causing her to leave without an explanation. ''Actually… No.'' Granger says and looks at me for a quick second.

The three of us look up to her, expecting her to continue talking. ''I, um…'' Granger says and looks down at her hands before looking at me and saying, ''McGonagall sent me.''

I raise my eyebrow at her while feeling a bit disappointed. McGonagall sent her, of course. Merlin, this _love, _it makes people imagine things that don't happen; it makes them hope for nothing.

''She wants to make a ball and she decided to consult with us about the date. I told her we can do it the day before we leave for the holydays.'' Granger says hesitantly in my direction, ''She wants to know what you think.''

**She** wants to know what I think. Fuck, Draco stop with it. Granger is not here for you and, to be honest, you have lost her. Grow some bloody balls.

''If you'll approve, and so will the school staff, the date will be set.'' Granger adds when I say nothing.

I look away from Granger, trying to push away my feeling with a deep breath of air. ''I approve.'' I say coldly as I look back at Granger.

Granger nods slowly while she bites her lower lip again and I turn back to my plate of food. I still watch Granger from the corner of my eye. She is standing in her place and I can feel three pairs of eyes on me. After a few seconds she turns back and walks away. Frustrated, I take my hand through my hair, trying to ignore Blaise's eyes on me.

I wake up confused. I look around to find my rooms is still dark since it is still night. I remember waking up from a noise, but everything seems silent now. What happened? I remember falling asleep quickly, hoping to forget this entire evening and here I am. But what was that noise? If it woke me up it must have been outside of my dream. Even though it is dark, it takes me only a second to take a hold of my wand. I raise it up, deciding to start with my room, and whisper, ''Lumos.''

My room looks as usual as always. In front of me there is the door to the bathroom; on my left are the closet and the door. My table, on the right from the bathroom door, is tidy as always. I lean my left hand on the bed so I can stand up, but before I have the chance to do anything I hear two more noises. My grip around my wand tightens, that noise is definitely not coming from my bed. What can it be?

I stand up and after scanning the dark with my eyes I decide to turn on the small lamp on my night stand. My eyes almost close as a reaction to the light, but once they get used to the light I open them, knowing the noise might be coming from my room. I look around again and I am both relived and scared to find out that the noise isn't coming from my room.

I stand in the same spot for a few seconds, waiting for the noise to be heard again. When I hear something again my entire body freezes. It sounds like footsteps. It takes me a few seconds to actually convince myself to move and when I do I am happy I am barefooted, that way I am making less noise. I turn off my lamp before heading to the door, just in case. It seems like the noise is coming from the common room and I am moving towards the door silently. I don't know what I should expect, but noises in the middle of the night aren't the best thing to be happening. When I get to the door I decide to open it by hand. I know it will cause more noise, but as soon as I turn the door handle there is another noise from outside the room which covers mine. I open the door slowly, my wand is hidden behind me so its light won't be seen, and I look inside while I try to understand what my eyes are seeing.

I can see there is something, more like _someone,_ on one of the couches. The only light in the room seems to be getting from the moon, but it lands far away from the figure so I still can't recognize it. I can't seem to recognize the figure, it looks very odd, but once I hear a low growl and see a slight movement coming from the thing I know I should do something. I step out from my door frame and keep my eyes on whatever it is. What should I do? I don't even know what I am facing.

Maybe, maybe if it was something dangerous it would have already attacked me.

Finally I decide what to do. I whisper 'Lumos' again, but keep my wand down. That way whoever it is might not notice the light.

When I see who is in the couch I gasp. One pair of icy eyes meets mine and I can see the shock in them. A brown head follows to turn in my direction, but the face of its owner smiles at me. I swallow, my eyes still on Malfoy's, while I can feel my heart falling through one hundred floors. My breaths seem to become faster and it feels like the blood in my entire body stopped moving.

''Oh, 'Mione, we woke you up, did we? I am sorry.'' Lavender says shyly and I try to smile at her, but I fail.

''No… It's alright, I... I am sorry for… Um, interrupting you.'' I succeed saying, though I feel a lot more like crying.

I don't wait for a response as I turn back into my room and close the door behind me. For a few minutes I just stand there, my body standing next to the door, touching at some places. In those few minutes, which to me feel more like hours, Malfoy's eyes seem to be chasing me. My body still feels stiff and the feeling like my blood stopped running through my veins doesn't seem to stop.

It was Lavender and Draco, or more correctly, Lavender **_on_** Draco. They just sat there like that. They were kissing; you can even say they were snogging. As I think back to that something inside of me seems to hurt, but I doubt it's a physical pain.

Eventually I walk towards my bed. I sit quietly under my blanket and stare at the empty space. Tears form in my eyes, but I just keep on staring. _He chose Lavender too_. Ron first, now Draco, they all chose **her** over _me_. I guess at the end of the day beauty and flirting takes over studying and knowing everything. And they all choose her. My parents used to tell me all the time that brain is more important than beauty. My mother used to tell me that I have both, but most of the time I didn't really care about both, I cared about knowledge. But I don't have them now; I don't have them to tell me that, or anything else. I just feel like crying, **so bad**. When my mother was alive I had her shoulder to cry on, always. She wouldn't even ask what is wrong, she would just be there. And I don't have that now. I can't come to any of my friends and just cry. They all would ask what's wrong, though I can't even put it in words.

I miss them, Merlin; I miss them so much, my dad, my mom, both. And there is nothing I can do about it. I can't bring them back. That's it, they're _dead_. On the day they died began a time period without them. A single tear falls on my cheek, but I just let it go all the way down to my jaw line silently. My chest hurts and my breath is still heavy. It hurts so much.

But what is it with Malfoy? What is it with me and the fact that he chose Lavender? And here is that pain again. He chose her.

Another two tears fall. Godric, Hermione, stop. You know exactly why it hurts, you know it all. You loved Ron, who chose Lavender first, and now Malfoy did the same. You **love** him, you _idiot_. You love Draco Malfoy. Just think about it, think of the last few months since the beginning of the school year. It's logical and true. You love that blonde- icy-blue-eyed-Slytherin.

It hurts so much because you love him, but he doesn't feel the same way.

The crying, the fights, the jokes, the feeling in your stomach, the held breath, the fear, the ignorance, **_you love Draco._**

* * *

**A/N: That's it for today, this is just an **intreduction** to next chapter, which should be full of drama and mind blowing (though I haven't started writing it so I might be lying...)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Oh my, chapter 12 :D So the Dramione scene in this chapter is actually what the idea for this story began with, so I am both worried and excited about updating this chapter. Thank you all for reviewing and following and favoriting (?) and even just reading. I REALLY hope you'll enjoy this chapter. And I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Here we go...**

* * *

I can only berry two days. And even that's too fucking much for me. On the second day I ask Lavender to talk with her, alone. Here I am with Lavender behind me, walking towards the lake. I can tell that people are watching us while we walk, but I don't care about _people_. I am walking fast and every few seconds Lavender calls for me to slow down, but I ignore her and keep on walking. I don't even know why I am dragging her so far, but what I sure of is that my dorm isn't the place for us to talk in. Not after the other night.

When I finally get to a stop, Lavender stops beside me, breathing heavily. I wait for her while she gets back her breath, ''What is the urge?'' she asks, almost angrily.

''Nothing,'' I reply coldly, ''I just have something to tell you, Brown.''

''About?'' She replies and raises her eyebrow while she straightens her back.

''This,'' I reply and look back and forth between me and her.

Lavender nods and it becomes my turn to raise an eyebrow, ''What?'' I ask with confusion.

''It has to do with 'Mione, doesn't it?'' she replies and I swallow. Lie, Malfoy, _lie._

''Bollocks,'' I murmur.

Brown rolls her eyes at me with a sigh and then asks, ''What is it?''

''I ending _this_ up, I am sorry, but I don't see any sense in pretending anymore. '' I say and Lavender smirks knowingly. What is it with her?

''Sure, I should have seen this coming.'' Lavender replies softly.

''What? What is your bloody problem, Brown?'' I say angrily.

She chuckles and after crossing her hands she explains, ''Look, Draco, I know you have feelings for Hermione and I should have known you would end _us_ after what she saw. To be honest, she changes you''.

My body freezes as I hear that. I open my mouth to respond, but I don't know what to say. How does she even know that? Fuck, am I that seen-through?

''I don't know what you're talking about, Brown.'' Eventually I reply coldly and put my hands in my pockets.

''Whatever, Malfoy, you're a liar, but at least you're trying to make things better with her.'' Lavender replies with a frown and then takes off towards the school.

A few moments pass until I start walking back into the school myself; no sign to Lavender anywhere outside, hoping she meant I have a chance with Granger. As I walk back in I remember everything in the last two days. The moment I saw Granger that night I knew I am doomed. Her eyes, the gasp, the way her voice sounded, it all said the same. I felt the same like when the two of us at the Manor, when my aunt gave her that scare, only now it's ten times more painful. After that I felt as if every part of me was hurt, just because I have hurt Granger. Once the door to her room closed I knew everything was going to get worst.

I told Lavender to go, maybe that's how she figured everything out and I went to my own room. I didn't even felt like sleeping, I just lied on my bed and stared. I was so mad at myself for everything; for being too fucking weak and deciding snogging with Lavender would be a good decision, for even thinking for **one bloody second** that the idea of snogging with her can be good, for every way in the last few months in which I have hurt Granger. The last thing I remember doing was thinking how to fix my situation with Granger, though I highly doubted that was possible. I still doubt.

The next day Granger came to breakfast later than usual with a pair of red eyes. I don't have a bloody clue how she explained the red eyes to the left Golden Trio members and the weaslette, but I didn't need an explanation. The timing and her look explained it all. I haven't talked to anyone about it, and by _anyone_ I mean Blaise and Theo, but once Granger got into the Great Hall that morning I got the feeling that Blaise knew I am the cause to that brokenness within her. But he hasn't said a word.

Since then she is back to her usual behavior of ignoring me. I can still see through her, I can see she's struggling and holding herself. I only have two comforts from the way she acts. One is that at least she is trying to get back to normal. The second is that since that day I am certain she cares about me. Bitter-sweet comfort is certainly fucking irritating.

Well, Granger is not exactly ignoring me. Once in a while our eyes meet. I get to see her brown eyes looking back at me and even though it is supposed to feel **fucking** _good_ it just makes me feel worse. I can tell she is broken inside, though I am not sure how I can tell that. I feel like I am looking straight into her, but all I can see is like a broken glass. Every gaze reminds me what have I done and how bad it is.

All of that made me understand that I can't keep on going around with Lavender around my arm. I need to, **have** to, fix it all because I am not sure how long I can take seeing Granger like that. Her broken heart is breaking mine. What _I _made _her _be is killing **me**. I can't stand seeing her like that and knowing that that is the work of my hands. I can't stand seeing her like that and if I can change it I will try. But I still don't know what I will do about it.

I walk out of my room after a quick shower, wearing an unbuttoned white shirt, black pants and shoes. It takes me only a few seconds to notice Granger sitting on one of the couches with a piece of paper and a quill. She seems to be writing passionately without even noticing me. _Huh,_ I think to myself, _surprisingly she is still in the same room as I am_. I watch her as she gently writes; her eyes follow her hand on the paper. She has a small frown on her face while she writes, but every once in a while she sights and looks away so I can tell she is not thinking about whatever she is writing anymore.

I am pulled into my thoughts. I wonder if I should say something to her, I want to, but not a single idea of something I can say shows up in my mind. I could try to act normal, tease her, try to make a conversation with her, but that's no use. She'll ignore me, she'll be even angrier at me; she'll be able to escape from me. No fucking use in _that._

I think about just leaving her alone, but I can't accept that thought. This is one of the not-so-many-chances I have to talk with her, alone, no crowd, no Potter or Weasleys. I can apologize to her. I never thought I would think of apologizing to Granger, but fuck that, I care too much to leave things the way they are. Salazar, where do I even start from? I have putted her through so much **shit** in her life, I don't know what I should apologize for first. The first day of school? The first time I called her 'mudblood'? 'Hey, Granger, I am sorry for the last eight _years._' No, that's too fucking general. How about… No, fucking bollocks.

I wake from my wondering into Granger's eyes, which turn back to her paper the second they meet mine. I take a deep breath. _Just say you're sorry, you fucking_ **arse**. I open my mouth, but nothing seems to come out. _Say it_. I focus on those words and I feel them coming up through my throat, but still no **words** comes out. I look at Granger while I can feel those words hanging on my tongue and I take a step forward. She looks up to me in a weird look. _This is your chance, Draco_. My mouth is open, but nothing comes out, **_fuck._**

Granger shakes her head and then puts away her things on the table and stands up. I watch her and swallow. Fucking do **something.**

Granger starts walking towards her room, but as she wants to pass next to me I block her way. She stands in her place and watches me. I can recognize that same pain in her eyes, though they also seem to be begging me to let her pass. I see her break all over again. Her eyes become sad and red, her face seems to soften and fall and I can see her biting her lip just the slightest. I know what she is thinking, what she wants. She wants me to let her go, both ways, because it's already too difficult for her. I hope my face shows my response, but I really doubt it. When you're a son of a Death Eater you get used to hiding your feelings.

_Show her what you want, what you think_, a little voice in my head says.

My heart seems to be completely disconnected from my head and logic as I lean forwards and Kiss Granger. She seems to be kissing me back and my heart melts at that. This is what I wanted to tell her and to show her. I care for her; I will **always** care for her. My hand pulls her closer by her waist and her hand is gently resting on my shoulder. I can't even put in words how sorry I am for everything, but this is how I can tell her. Or at least hope she'll understand. The kiss continues for a few seconds and seems to be both sweet and sorrow. Suddenly I am being pushed away. My eyes open to see Granger staring at me with shock. One thought crosses my mind- Granger pushed me away.

''Aren't you just unbelievable?!'' She calls at me and I guess I crossed a line. ''You haven't changed at all. You're still the same careless Malfoy. You can't just go around, playing with peoples' feelings!''

I stare at her, shocked as well, not having a single clue about how should I responds.

''No wonder you were a Death Eater, walking around, hurting people without blinking. You don't care about a _single_ thing, you will never care! All of this is just a big bloody **game** for you. You think you can just go on and hurt _everyone_.'' She shouts at me, tears in her eyes.

''Why even bother? You will always be cold hearted, just like a Death Eater.'' She spits out and my jaw clenches.

''Oh, stop with those bollocks, Granger. Now, right now, what makes you think you're so better than me? You're just like the Weasel, judging me on every opportunity you've got!'' I call back at her.

Granger swallows and I smirk at her bitterly. She knows I am right. ''I am not judging you, not anymore! _I _gave **you** a shot and I saw who you really are.'' I add.

''I gave you a chance, even more than one, but you keep on proving yourself, showing your real self to me.'' She replies angrily.

''My _real self?_ Let me guess, a _Death Eater_. I was that, I will never deny it, but you don't know **the first thing** about me or being one. Do you think I just woke up one day and decided I want to be one of them? Because I am so _cold hearted?_ Well, you're fucking **wrong.** Unlike you, _the Golden Princess_, I was raised to **hate.** It was the only thing I knew and that my parents would have accepted. I always wanted to make my father proud and once the war began I needed to pick a side. And I, _just like you_, stood on my family's side. Does that make me _emotionless, inhuman, Careless_?''

Granger stares at me. I am so angry and tired of this _fuck_ that I step forward and continue talking. ''Being a Death Eater means being careless, just like my father. It means being able to drag your wife and son into the darkest side there is with you. I was dragged. Since the war I am trying, I am **_trying_** to bloody **change**, because I can't stand who I was, but everyone keep on judging me for who I _was._''

I step even closer to Granger, I can see she is scared, but I am too lost in my words. ''I am human just like **you** and Potter and every Weasley there is.'' I think for a second and add, ''Give me your hand.''

Granger looks at me with surprise, but does nothing. ''**_Give me your hand, Granger_**.'' I say, still angry, and Granger puts her shaken hand in mine.

I ignore the touch of Granger's hand inside of mine and put it on my bare chest, right above my heart.

* * *

He puts my hand on his heart. ''Do you feel that? Those are heartbeats, Granger. Do you know what that means? That I am **fucking** human. Just like you, just like everyone. I am human. Not a Death Eater, not some monster. I am **human, ****_only_**** human**.'' He calls at me.

I stare at him, trying to hold back my tears. I don't know what to say, should I apologize? Should I do anything at all? My hand is shaking above his skin and I bet he noticed. I don't know if it's a cause of the situation or of the touch between us. I both love and hate seeing him like this. Alright, _love_ isn't the right word, but I am glad to see this side of him, the **real **him. On the other side, I hate this broken person in front of me; I hate the thought that _I broke him_.

Before I can notice Malfoy walks away towards the door while buttoning his shirt and I look at him with wide eyes. _What is going on?_ He opens the door and steps out of the common room. After that he slams the door behind him and I shake at the sound. I hurt him, haven't I? A whimper escapes my mouth and I raise my hand to cover it with a few fingers. As my hand comes in touch with my mouth a tear finally escapes from my eyes. I broke the man I love. Godric, I never thought I would be able to think _that_ without taking it back. _Broke_ is definitely the word to describe what I just caused. Before, Malfoy was unreadable, but I made him uncover and explode into pieces.

I sit down and keep on crying. I have ruined it all. Why did I have to be so mean to him? Merlin, he'll never forgive me. What is it with me and ruining things? I sigh heavily but fail to relax. I have hurt Malfoy and crossed an obvious red line. I can't lose him, not **him.** The list of the people I have lost is too long and I will never forgive myself for hurting him. I can berry ignoring him, I can berry having him in my life as less, but I can't berry _hurting_ him, not when I am to blame. I also doubt how long I could live without him.

I know I ignored him so far, but he always gave me the attention and if I wanted I was always able to start a conversation with him. But now, after this, I won't even have that.

Godric, and there's that kiss. I can still feel Malfoy's lips on mine. Well, that was a first and last. I wipe away a few tears and lean my head on my hand while the fact that Malfoy kissed me is pounding in my head. I don't even know with what question I should begin my wondering about that. He _kissed_ me. I recall everything that has happened with wonder and pain. The most logical reason for that kiss is that Malfoy has feelings for me. My heart stops at that thought, it is logical. Merlin, I he does… What I have said will **destroy** him. Of course I had to blow everything up; I am too broken to actually act right. I am too broken, I am a mess. And he should know. No, he can't love me. And even if he does, he _shouldn't._

I feel my whole word collapsing into my hands. Everything good seems to be slipping away from my fingers, just like sand. How did it become this bad? I feel like I have taken a hummer and used it on my own bloody life. Draco isn't inhuman, but I was too hurt to accept it. Bloody hell, after all of this _I _am probably the **_in_**human. I can still see his hurt eyes in my head. His gray-blue eyes seemed to be deeper than ever and it was so obvious that he was hurt. He just wanted to be seen as **_Draco_** Malfoy. He might have even wanted to be seen by _me_, he might even have bloody feelings for me. I lean my head back on the couch's back and one word crosses my head as I close my eyes- **Fuck.**

When I come to dinner I can feel people's eyes on me. I know my eyes are red and swollen. I tried to hide the fact that I was crying, but nothing helped and I just seem to be on the edge of crying every time I think about him. I sit down next to Ron, who notices my eyes along with Harry, Ginny and the rest of the Great Hall, but I don't pay attention to what he's saying. In the background I can hear Ginny scolding Ron for asking me what's wrong and I mentally thank her for saving me the hassle of convincing Ron that I am fine.

I put food on my plate, but when it is full my eyes look towards the Slytherin table. I search for Malfoy, hoping to see that he is alright by now, but all I can find are Theo and Blaise. My heart falls. He usually comes to the Great Hall _with_ them, which means he isn't here. I sigh and hope that Malfoy is alright and that he is just planning revenge. I prefer revenge on him disappearing. Theo and Blaise are looking at me, their eyes are full with wonder as everybody else's', but they also seem to know that my red eyes and Malfoy's absence are related. At the thought of that my eyes get watery again. _Breathe,_ _Hermione, just_ **breathe.**

''Hermione, why aren't you eating?'' Harry asks and I turn back to look at my friends.

''I… Umm, I am not feeling so well.'' I reply, but of course Harry, nor anyone else, seems to believe me.

''Do you want me to go with you to Madam Pomfrey? '' Harry asks and I just hope he'll leave me alone.

''No, thank you.'' I reply and notice Harry looks irritated by the fact that I am lying to him.

As the minutes go buy nothing seems to change. My eyes are set on the door, but I don't see Malfoy passing through them. He isn't coming. When I eventually give up on staring hopefully at the door I search for him in the Slytherin table again, but I stop as my eyes meet Blaise and Theo's eyes, _again._ Saying that I am not worried about Malfoy right now would be lying, I worry too much. If I would know where to look for him, Godric, I'd do it myself, but I don't and those two people are my only hope. They know something is wrong, I can see it, and I wish they know they need to find him.

_'Him'_, just that single word makes me remember everything that had happened and I bite my lower lip as I try not to start crying again. Theo and Blaise whisper something to each other for a few seconds and then they stand up. Blaise gives me a reassuring nod before they walk out of the doors of the Great Hall. I take a deep breath and feel a bit relived. I don't know what will happen once they'll find him, I don't know what will happen once I'll see him again, I don't know where I am heading, but once Malfoy is found I am ready to whatever is waiting for me, or should I say for **_us._**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello to all of you :) I am really sorry for the long waiting, like all of you I am back to school, which isn't that easy to collaborate with writing and updating. Plus, I wasn't, and still am, not so sure about where I am taking this story always, thank you all for following, reading, loving and even hating. **

**I do not own Harry Potter. Enjoy!**

I have been sitting in the library for the last two hours with a serious lack of concentration. My books are open, my quill is held between my fingers and the empty paper is just waiting to be filled with words, but nothing comes out. I have my notes in front of me, but my gaze seems to be held on the Marauder's map. It is lying beneath one of my books and I feel a tickle in the edge of my fingers every time I look at it. I have been walking around with it for the last two days, ever since Malfoy lashed out on me. I have been watching him through it since, while waiting for an opportunity to talk to him. I know it is kind of obsessive on my side, but I can't stop myself. Everything that I want to say to him is burning inside of me and I need to get it out. Not to mention the guilt that has been eating me inside out for the last two days.

I notice the librarian gazing at me with a puzzled look. It takes me only a few seconds to understand that I have been playing with my quill for the last ten minutes. I put down the quill and say a quiet 'sorry' towards the librarian. Merlin, _Hermione stop it and just take the bloody map. It's not that you are able to concentrate anyway._

I give the map another hesitating look before my hand reaches out for it. I bet Malfoy would have enjoyed watching me right now, Hermione Granger losing her concentration because of him. Merlin, if he knew, he would have never let it go. He would have laughed his ass out. I put the map above my papers and stroke it while I bite my lip. But he is not that Malfoy anymore and that's why it is worth to chase after him like this, hoping he would hear me out.

''I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.'' I whisper and once the map reveals itself I open it and look for Malfoy's name. I watch Malfoy's name moving across the map along with Blaise's and Theo's. They are walking through the hallways together and I keep on watching while waiting for him to be alone. He has been walking around with his two best friends since the last time we talked. I expected Blaise and Theo to make him talk to me, but I haven't seen Malfoy nor talked to him. I never see him at the Great Hall or after classes; he walks in last and walks out first so I can't talk to him, at night he walks through the school, but I don't know what he is doing so I just leave the map on the coffee table and go patrolling alone while hoping that he is filling his duty of watching me in the map. Blaise keeps on giving me reassuring looks and Theo always gives me these half smiles, but nothing seems to be getting better.

The three get into the Head's dorms and I know that if I am lucky enough Malfoy will stay there alone. I close my books and collect my papers while I keep on watching the three names. I organize my things so I can take them and walk to my dorm as fast as possible if I'll need. I keep on watching the map while moving my leg nervously. I guess that is what gives me away. In those two days I have been acting like I have ADHD and I know my three best friends noticed. I am bloody _Hermione Granger_; ADHD does **not **fit in to my personality. I haven't told Harry or Ginny about what happened since my mind was too deep into Malfoy. But that doesn't mean that they haven't noticed, they all noticed since the second I walked into the Great Hall the other night. I just keep on telling them that I am tired as a result of my Head Girl duties. I told them that I am busy with the Christmas ball, which I am overseeing, but I am actually not that involved in it. This means I have been lying, and the weird thing is that Blaise and Theo, two Slytherins, are the only one who knows the truth.

My heart starts to race when I see that Blaise and Theo left the room. I watch Malfoy's name for a few seconds, to reassure that he is staying in our dorm and then I stand up and start walking quickly out of the library. I put the open map on the top of my books, that way I am able to check that Malfoy is still in the room while I walk and keep on looking at it every few steps. I am feeling a bit surprised to have an actual opportunity to talk with Malfoy, probably because I am used to only waiting for it.

As I hurry up between groups of students I wonder what I will say to him. I have thought about it for millions of times, but right now nothing of what I planned on saying sounds right. But my mind isn't focused and wonders to the reason of all those students to be out in the hallways. I seem to pass Luna on my way, but I know that I don't have time to waste so I ignore her and keep on with my rushed walk. As I get closer to the dorms the halls are emptier and it is easier for me to walk. I keep an eye on the map and Malfoy's name and a part of me is surprised that talking to him is suddenly so _easy. _

The moment I stand in front of the door I can feel my stomach turning nervously. ''Compassion,'' I say towards the people sitting in the painting.

''There you go, dear.'' One of the women says as the door opens and I murmur a thank-you before I walk in.

I recall a sentence Molly Weasley once told me. She said that I need to let go a bit and just play along with the situations life gets me into, because I can't study out from a book what is about to happen. As I open the door and step inside I try to do what Molly offered. I clear my mind from every single sentence which I thought about saying to Malfoy, because thinking and planning my words won't help me.

As I close the door behind me my eyes search for Malfoy. The door to his room is widely open and reveals an empty room, the bathroom is quiet, the couches seem to be untouched and I head over to the last place in our dorm where Malfoy can be, the kitchen. I only need to take a few steps until I see a blonde sitting on a bar stool with a cup of tea and The Daily Profit in his hands. I smile softly at that and I love the sight of the calm, maybe even **real**, Draco Malfoy.

''Draco,'' I say quietly and step even closer to him.

The sound of his name, his _first_ name, coming out through my mouth seems to get his attention and his eyes look up to me. I don't know why I called him Draco, but it seems right and it definitely had the effect I wanted. I notice nervousness in his face as he watches me, but it disappears quickly.

''The fact that I am ignoring you does not give you the right to call me that.'' Malfoy says before looking back at the newspaper.

I almost smile with relief for getting a typical response from Malfoy and I put my things on the kitchen table. I notice Malfoy's eyes looking at my books, but he looks back at the paper and chooses to ignore me. I know I can come up with a good response to what he said, but I feel like that won't get me to the point. I start walking around the table towards Malfoy when he notices what I am doing and lies down his newspaper. I can see he is planning to leave the kitchen and stand in his way, though he is still sitting calmly.

''I want to talk to you.'' I say and Malfoy sighs.

''I _do_ have an opinion in that.'' He says coldly and I wish he would call me 'Granger', a word he seems to avoid now.

''I am sorry.'' I say before Malfoy has the opportunity to walk away.

* * *

That catches my attention almost as much as her calling me _Draco_. I gaze at her speechless. It's not her bloody apology which is surprising, or maybe there is nothing surprising, maybe I just don't know how to react. I hurt her, we kissed, then she offended me and here we are. I remember all of it.

After we fought I was in a mix of feelings and emotions while sitting on a bloody bench outside. At some point Theo and Blaise joined me there, though I am sure it took them a while to find me. They looked like they knew what happened without me saying a word, but I still told them everything. They already knew what happened before that night and they said that they noticed Granger's expression at dinner. In addition to that, they know about my feelings towards Granger and said she surely has feelings for me. I remember I was angry while telling them everything, though I doubt anger was the only feeling I expressed. I was angry at her and once they said she obviously has feelings for me I didn't even care, I just got angrier at her. Eventually they convinced me to calm the fuck down which helped me with coming back to my senses.

Then I just got sad and upset with the entire situation. I mean, it **is** _fucked up_. So I avoided Granger for a while, until I could get my thoughts organized and my feelings cleared. I am not sure it happened yet, but I did not expect her to show up right now and it doesn't seem like I have a choice. A part of me is still angry at her, but not as much as I was that night.

And I remember the kiss, as if it just ended. I remember every second of it. I can still feel the fabric of her robe beneath my fingers, the touch of her lips on mine, the taste, all of it. A part of me is still shocked by the fact that it actually happened, but the other one keeps on analyzing it in my head. I kissed _Granger_, Draco bloody Malfoy **kissed** the Gryffindor princess and that thought keeps on bringing this smile onto my face. **We** bloody _kissed_. And she responded it; _Granger_ had actually responded **my** **kiss**. But then again, she pushed me away, probably since I hurt her badly, but what if there is something else? What if she didn't like it or didn't enjoy it?

Bloody hell, I sound like a Hufflepuff.

'' What for?'' I ask and recognize the egoistic part of me hiding in that question. I need to hear her admitting her mistakes; I need to see that she is aware of what she said and why it bothers me. But except that I want to see where her apology will lead to, I need to hear what her own words will lead her to say and admit.

She takes a deep breath and looks down at the floor before looking at me. ''For every nonsense I have said two nights ago. I am sorry for talking about your parents and giving you the impression that you are similar to your father. But, most of all, I am sorry for calling you a Death Eater and I take back what I said about you in that connection.''

As she talks I notice her eyes becoming watery. I can see her regret written across her face and a part of me softens at that sight. Maybe I am not acting Hufflepuff-ish, maybe Granger just wakes up those feelings, which were hidden and well-kept inside of me for a long time, inside of me. She might be uncovering a part in me.

''And I am sorry for pushing you away…'' Granger says and steps closer while my heart seems to stop 'working', ''The thing is, I have feelings for you. And this…'' she takes my left hand and pushes up my sleeve so that my tattoo is seen. She puts her thumb on the tattoo and waits until my eyes meet hers, ''This does not define who you are or change the way I feel about you.''

My mouth opens in surprise. I can't say I haven't suspected Granger has feelings for me, but once she admitted it I see differently everything we had been through in the past few months.

When Granger lets go of my hand I notice how drowning in thoughts right now is a bad idea. I notice her hesitated expression, she probably thinks I don't feel the same way, she might even be regretting saying that. It is my turn to speak up.

''I accept you apology.'' I say as I look at her, ''I hurt you too and I am sorry for it, Granger. I am even surprised you don't despise me by now, though I thought you did. And that thought killed me.''

Granger looks at me with a weird look, but her face tells that I can continue talking. ''Look, Granger, I have feelings for you too.'' I say and start thinking that I am in some bloody _parallel dimension_ where Granger has feelings for **me**, I **can** admit her I am replying those feelings and we seem to be going towards a right and good direction **together.**

A smile slowly spreads across her face and I start doubting if I should have said that because I can imagine her starting to laugh in victory. ''Really?'' Granger asks with her enormous smile.

Or I was wrong about her smile. ''Yes, really,'' I reply with a smirk and pull her closer to me so she is standing between my legs.

''Draco Malfoy, if you are playing with me-'' Granger starts saying, but I roll my eyes at her.

''Salazar, **I** just told _you_ I am **sorry**, does that not show you how serious I am?'' I ask with a raised eyebrow.

Granger looks down at my sitting figure with hesitation, but then nods. ''I believe you.'' she replies and I smirk, ''What?''

''You won't regret it. So wouldn't I, right?'' I say.

Granger looks at me silently for a few seconds, probably choosing her words and then says, ''No.''

Her hand goes back to stroking my tattoo and I watch her gentle moves. She seems to see it as a decoration on my body more than something which will say there for the rest of my life. My heart flutters while I watch her, but I also calm under her touch. ''We can do that, trust each other.'' I say as I keep on watching Granger's hand.

Granger's hand stops moving and I look up at her as her hand leaves mine. I watch her with a frown while she folds her left sleeve up. The word 'mudblood' is revealed on her skin and she touches it once before saying, ''It makes us even.''

She means it both ways. We're even because we both believe each other, but also because each one of us has a scar that doesn't define who we are. I take a hold of her arm and use my thumb to go over each letter. I still remember everything about that night, every scream that was caused by each of those letters. I nod slowly. Her scars are as full of longing pain and suffer as mine.

I hold that same scared her hand while I ask, ''Where are we going from here, Granger?''

Granger sighs and takes a long look at our hands, ''We walk together, using baby steps.''

I smirk at that and say, ''We know each other for eight bloody _years_, Granger. We don't need _'baby steps'_. **I** don't want fucking _baby steps_.''

Granger roll her eyes and says, ''Alright, we just need to get used to _this._'' and picks up her hand to the level of my eyes, my own hand following.

I look at her hand which is still in mine and do something I'd never thought I would do. I bring Granger's hand closer to my face and kiss its back. Granger looks at me with surprise, but I can see the Gus Bumps which covers her skin and I smirk. ''We're late for dinner, love.'' I say with my famous smirk.

The first reaction which I get from Granger is her mouth opening at the sound of the word 'love'. She starts at me for a few seconds while all I do is continue smirking at her and then she says, ''You can go, I am not hungry.''

I sigh and then ask with a frown, ''What's wrong?''

''Nothing,'' Granger says quickly, ''I am really not that hungry and I don't really feel like seeing Harry and Ron now.'' She says and sits down on the nearest stool.

''Well, _this_ is the first place they'll be looking for you in.'' I say and stand up, ''Except, they are just _Potty and Weasel_, you can handle them. It will be easier for you lying to them about you being late than being closed inside of your room for no reason.'' And with that I pull Granger up to a standing position, knowing I am much stronger than she is.

''You **do** have a point.'' Granger says with a sigh.

''Of course I do.'' I say with a chuckle, ''Now come on, I'll be right behind you.'' And push Granger after me towards the door.


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: I am so, SO sorry for not updating since two weeks ago. School and writing isn't easy to handle, not to meantion life can be absolutly crazy. So here you go, thank you all, and I don't own HP.**_

The next day I find Granger resting in her room after lunch. We have a double free lesson after lunch, but I did not expect to find her lying on her bed at this time of the day. The door to her room is widely open and as I walk towards the room I try to remember how we gotten here. After last night we both went to dinner and I tried my best not to pay special attention to Granger. After dinner she left off with Potter and the Weasleys, but sent me an apologizing look on her way out of the Great Hall. This morning I was the busy one since a Gryffindor- Slytherin Quidditch match will be happening soon.

It's odd to be _with Granger_. We haven't had the opportunity to actually **experience** that, but it still feels strange. I am used to hating her, **_was_** used to, I am used to loving her from the distance and fighting with her. It is a bit like a wish happening, though I am not sure that I know what to do with that fact now. Obviously, we can keep our hands off each other, it's the only thing we know how to do, but after kissing Granger and our talk yesterday I can feel that we have changed when it comes to each other.

''Is the library closed?'' I ask as I lean on Granger's door frame.

Granger looks up from her potions book and sighs before closing it. ''No, I just needed some time for myself.'' She replies.

''In the **_Common_** Room?'' I ask with a raised eyebrow and she puts away her book.

Granger sighs again and I come in without asking, though I hesitate while doing it. I sit down on her bed and face her. I examine her. On the outside she looks perfectly normal, but I can still notice a frown on her face and the restlessness in her eyes. Granger, similarly to me, has signs of tiredness under her eyes. The studying this year became intensive, even for the both of us, and exams began last month. Therefore, we don't get a lot of sleep, or chances to have fun. She succeeds in keeping her tired look beautiful, her eyes still have that tiny shine, her lips are pink and look soft as always and her eyelashes are still black, long and feminine.

''Alright,'' I say as I stand up in defeat, but a touch of a hand on my wrist stops me.

''No, stay,'' Granger says with begging eyes and I sit back on her bed with a sigh.

I wait for her to talk. I am not the _psychology_-boyfriend, but then again I was never quite **a** boyfriend. Am I even now? Never mind that. If Granger is willing to talk to me, I'll listen, but I am not planning to beg her into that. She has Potty and the Weasels for that and there are lines which I am not going to cross.

''I haven't told Ron or Harry, or Ginny about…'' Granger says and looks at me. I am able to complete the sentence myself, but I choose to let her go on with the talking, ''Harry will accept it, so will Ginny, eventually, but I am mostly afraid of Ron's reaction. We've just gotten back to normal and I know he will never forgive me for this.''

''Granger,'' I say and cut her when she starts murmuring about the Weasel, ''first of all, can we clarify what _'this'_ is?''

Granger swallows and I regret a bit for asking that. So I decide to act. I offer Granger to take my hand and once she puts her hand in mine I pull her closer to me. She seems a bit surprised with my movement which brought her to sit inches away from me and I smirk. With all of the latest drama and fighting between me and Granger I forgot what she is capable of doing to me. Her closeness makes me the slightest of nervous, my stomach seems to tighten at the meeting of our eyes and my breath seems to become more intense at the feel of my hand on her waist. I might have even **missed** that feeling.

Granger clears her throat before saying, ''Well, yesterday we have clarified that we have feelings for each other.'' And I notice that she is as nervous as I am.

''And we kissed.'' She adds quietly and her mouth opens just a bit.

Her eyes seem to lock on my lips and I smirk at that. ''Forget I asked. I don't like titles anyway. But nothing that sounds like 'boyfriend' is not allowed to leave your mouth.''

Granger rolls her eyes with a grin and since it seems like 'no title' is agreed on I pull Granger closer to me. ''How about 'a couple'?'' Granger asks, though her gaze shows that she is not as focused on that subject as she is on my lips.

''How about 'Granger and Malfoy with hormones'?'' I ask with a smirk and don't even wait for an answer as I crash her lips with mine.

Thankfully, Granger doesn't protest and she responds with her lips. I smile into the kiss and move my hand from Granger's waist to her back. Meanwhile, she seems to find the touch of my hair nice enough to let her hand tangle with it while we kiss. As Granger gives my tongue enter to her own I change my sitting position and sit on my knees, with Granger following. My free hand moves to her chin and hold it for a few seconds before stroking my way through her jaw line to her neck. There I take a hold of her neck and change the distance between our bodies to minimum.

Granger takes a hold of my tie and slowly finds her way to lying on the bed. I follow her, but change the center of my mouth's focus to her neck. I start with soft kisses and enjoy the sound of Granger's moans. I notice her fingers inserting into the fabric of her blanket and grin before changing to wetter kisses. Granger's body moves with pleasure and saying I am not enjoying this myself would be a lie.

''Malfoy,'' Granger moans, ''we still haven't found a solution.''

''Well, we _are _busy, love.'' I reply and my right hand starts digging through Granger's clothes in a search of her waist's skin.

''Malfoy,'' Granger murmurs again as my hand holds her bare waist.

I sigh and lie down next to Granger. ''You owe me.'' I say bitterly while Granger moves to lying on her left side so she can look at me.

''That shouldn't be a problem.'' Granger replies in a slight naughty voice I barely recognize, but makes me smirk.

''I am sorry to disappoint you, love, but you only solution is to tell them. Weasel **will** get over it someday.'' I say as honestly as I can.

''He will hate me.'' Granger murmurs and lies on her back.

''First, _I_ wouldn't.'' I say with a smirk, ''Second, he won't, he'll just be angry at **me**. He is bloody Weasley.''

Granger's eyes look away and her mind seems to wonder about the subject. ''Theo and Blaise took it well.'' I add.

Her head turns towards me almost sharply and she asks, ''They know?'' with surprise.

''I haven't said a word, Granger. They already knew about my feelings and guessed that you feel the same, so in some bloody way they understood what happened.''

''Well what did they say?'' Granger asks with pure interest burning in her eyes.

''Not much.'' I reply, ''They said that they are happy that the drama is now over, idiots.''

Granger sighs and stares at the ceiling and I provide her a few moments of silence. It is a bit surprising that things in that matter are easier with my friends than with the three Gryffindors. Slytherins are seen as cold and distant, but at the end of the day Blaise and Theo were there for me when it came to Granger while she didn't even dare to tell her friends, **Gryffindor** friends, about her feelings. Gryffindors always seem to be so nice with rainbows and bloody _unicorns_ surrounding their impression, but it would take those weeks, if not months and years, to accept the fact that one of them has feelings for a Slytherin. At the time, at the last fight I had with Granger, I said that to her and even though it took her time, she understood what I meant and she knows that her friends are included in my words. They seem pure, but they judge like all of us do.

''Problem solved?'' I ask with a raised eyebrow and roll to lie on my side while taking Granger's exposed waist back into my hold.

''Not really.'' Granger says, but pulls herself to sit on me. Her legs are on both sides of my waist and she lowers herself so that her mouth is next to my ear. ''But it's not like I can focus anyway.'' She whispers and I grin with surprise. Her lips crash into mine passionately and my body heats up as we kiss. When we stop to breathe, Granger sits back up and I take the opportunity follow her into a sitting position and kiss hers neck. She moves her head back so I am more comfortable and I hear a quiet moan leaving her mouth. Soon enough my teeth meet Granger's skin as I soak it. That seems to make Granger weaker and her mouth opens just a bit, her hand holds my neck and strokes it and her breath becomes much faster.

When my mouth separates from Granger's neck she tries to catch her breath, but I use my thumb to touch the mark on her neck. ''What?'' She asks with a frown.

''I am just impressed by the sign I left there.'' I say with a smirk.

''A sign?'' Granger asks with horror.

''Just so Weasel will know you're mine.'' I reply calmly, ''Plus, you seemed to enjoy it a few moments ago.''

''Ugh, Ron will **kill** me.'' She replies with a sigh, ''You're awful.''

I smirk at her exaggeration, ''But I am a bloody wonderful kisser. And I have feelings for you.''

Granger grins at that and takes a hold of my neck to pull me closer, ''Likewise.''

''Would you shut up?'' I say playfully and as Granger rolls her eyes I close the distance between us.

* * *

Later that day Malfoy leaves the common room so that I could talk in it with Ron, Harry and Ginny. I am already used to Malfoy's consideration towards me, and not only to that. Being with him feels, it feels good. I still need to get used to the kissing and those kind of thing, but once he touches me, once I see that lust in his eyes I forget that he is Malfoy and that I am Granger and we become just _Draco and Hermione. _

I guess it will be better for us to be in an actual relationship than continuing doing whatever we want and act out of anger. The last few months were a mess and I hope from now on, at least when it comes to us, things will get calmer. Not that life is _ever_ clam. But I guess that just the fact that we know about each other's feelings will make a change. More correctly, it already did. We just need to learn to work with this relationship, get used to this new situation. Malfoy has changed, but we still had a few serious fights since, which means we will need to learn how not to press each other's red buttons, or else we'll just hurt one another.

However, I liked this afternoon, the time I've spent with Malfoy. The memories of it come back to me and I feel myself blushing at it, though a small smile spreads across my lips. Even now, after we confessed out feelings and after this afternoon, I still get butterflies from **thinking **about Malfoy. The fact that he makes me feel like that is still weird to me, even after all this time, but I think that it is a good weird. In addition, I do feel relieved. Both of us finally know how the other feels and there is no hiding and no lies anymore. It is better this way.

The thing that bothers me the most is how I will explain all of that to Harry, Ron and Ginny. Especially Ron. I know him for years so I am already expecting him to shout and get mad. At the time he hated Victor Krum, also because he was jealous, so I don't even want to imagine how he will react to **_Malfoy_**. And if he still has feelings for me it will make his reaction even worse. He has a bad temper, he can't control what he says and he has 'old-fashioned' opinions about Malfoy.

Harry and Ginny are manageable. I already know that Harry's opinion of Malfoy had changed during and since the war. He and Malfoy have some unclear thing going on between them; they stay away from each other and they don't fight with each other, something like a gentlemen agreement. Which probably means that Harry will be the easy part. Ginny doesn't share the same opinions with Ron, luckily, and from what she told me she noticed the change in Malfoy and decided to let him be. She doesn't hate him, but she keeps an eye on him along with Harry. She is a bit less trusting with Malfoy than Harry, but I know she likes love stories and thing like that, which means that she won't be too difficult as well.

Only a few minutes pass until there is a knock on the door and I walk towards it nervously. I take a deep breath before I push the door open and see Harry, Ginny and Ron on the other side. I give them a small smile, though I feel like I have an emotional hurricane inside of me and let the three in. ''Hi, Mione.'' They say while stepping in.

I close the door behind them, _you can do this_, I tell myself before turning around to see three pairs of eyes watching me.

''Is the _ferret_ here?'' Ron asks and he looks around with an examining glance.

My stomach shrinks at that word, but I try to hide it. Ron's words are another reminder for me that this is not going to be easy. ''No, but I want to talk with you about something.'' I reply.

''What's wrong?'' Harry asks with a frown and sits down. I gesture towards Ginny and Ron to sit down and as they do I know that this is my moment to confess.

I sigh; even now I can't find the right words to use. I am playing nervously with my fingers since Malfoy left, but now I also use it to avoid my friends' look when I look at it and I say, ''I am… Malfoy and I are… We kissed and we're… together now.''

''WHAT?!'' Ron almost shouts, but I continue on looking down at my fingers.

I close my eyes and stay quiet. I wish that could save me from the storm which is about to begin, just close my eyes and everything will be alright and peaceful. But this is reality and life, which means there are difficult things which you have to do every once in a while, like it or not. It is a part of life.

''Hermione are you serious?'' Ginny's voice asks, but I can tell her tone isn't angry. It's probably calmer than any other feeling.

''Does it seem to you that she is joking?'' Ron calls angrily and I can hear someone sighing.

I open my eyes, which first notice Ron's face. He is red out of anger and his eyes are burning with the same feeling. I saw that expression on his face before, but I hate to know that I am the cause of it. I wonder if this talk will make him stay away from me, but I guess that I first need to go through this conversation.

''Ron, please.'' I murmur hopelessly.

''You know what? Actually, this **must** be a joke. I _really _hope that this is a joke.'' Ron replies.

''When did that happened?'' Ginny asks softly and I thank that at least one of the Weasleys isn't lashing out at me.

''Last night, that's why I was late for dinner.'' I admit.

''Because you were _shagging_?'' Ron asks with horror.

''No!'' I protest, ''We talked and settled things between us.''

''What did he say?'' Harry asks and talks for the first time, while Ron holds his head with his hands, probably in desperation. My eyes move from Ron to Harry and I try to read his feelings. But I get no feeling from him. His eyes show no feelings, his face expression is his usual and his entire body language expresses no emotions, which can be seen as a good thing or as the silence before the storm.

''He apologized for hurting me and he admitted that he has feelings for me.''

_''Ballocks!_ He is trying to get into your panties!'' Ron says and throws his hands in the air.

''He's not!'' I call back at him and then turn to all of the three, ''I know this is hard to accept, but he _was_ telling the truth. He _cares,_ he is trying to change and I see that in him.''

''Are you sure about this, 'Mione?'' Harry asks and I am thankful for his patients and trust in me.

''I am, Harry. I can't explain why, but I trust him about this.'' I reply softly.

''Don't! Hermione, _PLEASE DON'T_. He is a _Malfoy,_ **Draco Malfoy**. He is a Death Eater.'' Ron says in a pleading voice and I notice his hands are clenched in small fists.

''People change, Ron. I believe him too.'' Ginny says and I can barely hold back my surprise. I guess Ginny has faith in romance than I've thought.

''What side are _you_ on? What is wrong with you?!'' Ron calls and his gaze shots daggers to Ginny's direction.

''Stop it! I saw the way he is looking at her and I believe him. He has changed, _'Mione_ changes him.'' Ginny explains.

''_Changed_? _Malfoy_ has changed? Not in this bloody **lifetime.**'' Ron mutters.

''I think that Hermione is smart enough to know the difference and to know if he is trust worthy.'' Harry cuts in calmly.

''Smart? Snugging with Malfoy is _smart?_ Seems more like foolish to me.''

''It's her life, her decisions and her mistakes, Ron.'' Ginny adds softly.

''He doesn't need her! Hermione's heart will be broken and stepped on and I am not planning to sit here and wait for it to happen.''

''Ron, I can take care of myself.'' I reply.

''How can you even love him? He _ruined _your life, Hermione. He is a bloody **_monster._**'' Ron says.

''Ronald!'' I shout at him as my own anger starts to rise.

''Have you **forgotten** _everything _he putted you through? He is fucking heartless!''

''Well, you are no better. You stand here and judge him, but you don't even know him.'' I say angrily.

''I don't need to bloody know him. Godric, does the name _Draco Malfoy_ does **not** ring a bell?''

''Ron, I am sorry, but there's nothing you can do about this.'' I say softly, knowing shouting back at Ron won't help.

''No! I am not letting you do this, 'Mione. He doesn't really care about you.''

''I am doing this. I know exactly what you are thinking right now, but if he wanted he would have tried to get into my panties much earlier.'' I point out.

''Do you love him?'' Ron asks harshly and once I swallow he repeats the question, **''Do you love him**?''

The truth might hurt Ron; it might hurt him so badly I might lose him. I never wanted to lose him or push him away, but I feel like I can't back down from Malfoy and me, not now. I've gotten too deep into this, backing down now would hurt Malfoy, I assume, and I don't know how long it will take him to forgive me. I do doubt the opinion that I might lose Ron by being with Malfoy, but there's always a chance.

''I do.'' I reply with tears forming at my eyes. What does doing what you believe in, what you want, must hurt so bad? Why does it destroy everything? Or does it only seem to?


End file.
